Tim's Talk

Keeping Covenant When the Storms Roll In

2012-02-17T21:13:00.000-08:00

I was pissed. If I didn't feel it emotionally, my hoarseness revealed it. The children had scattered to their rooms. Even Isaac who was foolishly brave during "knock-down, drag-outs," had retreated to his bedroom. That's when it happened. I yanked the suitcase out of the closet.

How had it reached the point that, even a small part of me, would consider breaking covenant? How could I possibly survive without my beloved?

I looked at the suitcase in my hand and slumped down to the floor; all energy draining from my body. I became uncharacteristically silent.

It was in that moment that I was finally able to hear the loving pleading of my wife. "You need help." Yes, she was right. Yes, I would call first thing Monday morning.

***

Nearly thirty-three years ago, my wife and I publicly entered into covenant with one another. With the covenant revealed in the Hebrew scriptures (Old Testament) between God and the Israelites informing us about how to live in relationship, we were married. We covenanted with one another, and with God. (See "The Core Secret of Our Marriage for more about covenant.)

The dripping humid day when we committed our lives to one another was only the beginning. Maintaining a relationship takes emotional energy and regular time spent focused on one another. Human beings are constantly evolving and changing. We have ups and downs. There are times when we're not so much fun to be around.

The challenge for two people in a covenantal relationship is to choreograph growth and change. Finding ways to dance through the stormy weather is perhaps the most intricate choreography. The steps are not always obvious. Uncomfortable emotions tempt us to leave the stage entirely.

This is the second in a series about living in
covenant with another person.

Living in Covenant Series
The Core Secret of Our Marriage
Keeping Covenant When the Storms Roll In

That morning when I pulled the suitcase out of the closet was not our finest hour. We'd bought an old 1850s house (think Tom Hanks' Money Pit) in upstate New York. Both children were still living at home. I was working multiple jobs. We were both working too much. Our lifestyle was not sustainable. I know I was not fit to live with during those years.

I was also unable to see that I was making poor choices.

***

An unwavering commitment to one another--even during times when we've felt distant from one another--is indeed central to our long marriage. Our success is more than that, however. We truly like each other. We allow--no, we embrace--one another's evolving growth and change. We truly want the other to be who they are called by God to be.

We revel in one another's joys and always have one another's back. Yet, when one of us is not living into who we're called to be as a unique human being, we speak forthrightly. That is, we call one another out.

During those years, my wife could see clearly that I was making poor choices. She knew I was working too hard and that I was physically exhausted. I couldn't see it and would hear none of her pleadings.

Living in a covenantal relationship requires sticking it out when things are not going well. It doesn't mean you don't feel angry with one another. It doesn't mean you don't have good reason to dislike the other person. Likewise, part of a loving covenant - which includes God - is that we must each take care of ourselves. (There are times when leaving the relationship is the most appropriate thing to do. I will write about abusive relationships in a future blog.)

I was not taking care of myself during those times. The result was that I was taking it out on myself and those I loved the most. I am quite certain that my wife was irritated with me. I am quite certain that she was angry and worried about me.

In Judges 10, God is so frustrated with the Israelites poor behavior, with their breaking of covenant, that he laments, “Go and cry to the gods whom you have chosen; let them deliver you in the time of your distress” (Judges 10:14 NRSV). God was tempted to break covenant with God's people. Who could blame God? The people had left and worshiped other gods until they were under attack by the Ammonites. Then they came running back begging for God's help.

Ultimately, however, God honors covenant. Because God “could no longer bear to see Israel suffer” (Judges 10: 16b NRSV), God responds compassionately. I imagine this was not unlike my wife's experience. She had every rational reason to break relationship. Who could blame her? But in the end, her compassion and her commitment, reigned supreme.

During that difficult time, my wife offered up the truth about me, sometimes with a little sugar and sometimes with a little vinegar. But still I could not hear her. Still, she hung in there with me. My wife saw the imago dei (image of God) through my armor of hurt, fatigue, and nastiness. Her patience and compassion and her commitment - our covenant - waited for a time when I could hear her pleading.

***

I looked at the suitcase in my hand and slumped down to the floor; all energy draining from my body. I became uncharacteristically silent.

And I sobbed. Her arms around me, I felt God's presence in our covenant. Then, I could hear God in the voice of my wife. "You need help. You can't keep this up. I love you."

***

God of Covenants,

Thank you for the extravagant love,
that puts up with us no matter what.

Thank you for the love that forgives,
even when we've ignored gentle pleadings,
and angry pleadings.

Help us to include you,
to accept your presence,
to hear your voice in our relationships.

Help us to see the imago dei,
in ourselves,
and in one another,
that we might be more loving.

In the name of the love which flows,
within and throughout creation.

Amen.

Answering the Second Question

2012-02-16T20:51:00.000-08:00

I cringe at the well-meaning second question. You know, the one that comes after the exchange of names? The second question upon meeting new people is no longer easy to answer, at least not as a simple nicety.

Where do you work?

It's almost enough to make me a hermit! Do I launch into the detailed explanation about the "Holy Spirit moment" I had in the summer of 2010 which catapulted me on a journey of following the Spirit to Portland? Do I explain that God has me on a need-to-know basis, that for now I'm just learning to be?

Nah, that always seems so woo-woo for casual social encounters. Even church people - especially church people - seem to expect a rational, heady, logical response rather than a spiritual one. I grow weary of the glassy-eyes, the "uh huh," and the silent reactions.

I've found that saying, "To pay a few bills I'm substitute teaching while I'm working on a new project" satisfies most folks. But that doesn't feel honest or represent the spiritual nature of who I am. So, I sometimes mention my participation in the Occupy Portland chaplains hoping that sounds more ministerial.

***

American culture is filled with admonishments that we must "take the bull by the horns" lest we lead an unhappy, pitiful life of failure. Our mainstream culture tells us that we must do, that we must achieve, and that we must make things happen.

The result of all this doing is people who are miserable, stressed, worried, and anxious. When we focus only on doing, on the American doctrine that says our worthiness is based upon the money we make, the things we accumulate, and being busy, we fail to notice the Divine.

What if we practiced presence with one another instead of seeking to control our futures? What if we fully lived the moment we're in rather than setting goals ad nauseum? What if we focused on being rather than doing?

I suggest we would live our lives more true to the teachings of Jesus and the life he modeled. In slowing down and living in the present rather than worrying about the future, I have begun to notice the Divine all around me. I've been more available to others. I am more fully the person God created me to be. Life is easier.

I still struggle with being and the guilt of not doing. This is a rocky path for me. I've spent my entire adult life embracing the dogma of doing.

Still, I know I'm on the right path for it is the Spirit who has set me upon it. Though I worry at times about what I should be doing, I know that if I listen and be, all will become clear.

God Who Is,

You who love us extravagantly,
not because of what we do,
but because of who we are...

You whose love transformed death,
into life...

You who created all that we know,
and created us in your own image...

Continue to be a beacon for us,
of how to love and be.

Help us to slow down,
to accept that you love each of us.
Help us to slow down,
and listen,
so that we hear you lure us to love.

In the name of the One who listened,
took you into his being,
and became love on earth.

Amen.

I Like Sex, Birth Control, & Kids

2012-02-15T14:52:00.000-08:00

The air conditioning broken, the windows of our townhouse were open, fans were blowing, and I was stripped down to my blue running shorts. I lay on the floor nearly comatose from the humid midwestern heat, smiling as I looked at my baby son. He smiled, I smiled. I talked, he cooed.

The oppressive heat that kept me from moving, didn't thwart the deep joy I felt as I stared into the eyes of my 2-month-old son. There is nothing - NOTHING - as wonderful as fatherhood.

Despite the joys of daddy-ing, a few weeks later I visited the Planned Parenthood office near our home. I made arrangements for, and several weeks afterward had, a vasectomy. I did this because I like sex. I did this because my wife and I chose not to have more children. Oh, yeah, I am and was Christian. Since that time we have both responded to Calls to the ministry.

To summarize,

Fatherhood and children are amazing.
I like having sex.
I practiced birth control so we could have sex and no more children.
I am an ordained minister, as is my wife.

Good people disagree with one another. Equally moral people arrive at different conclusions about what is right and what is wrong. Though we all seek to follow Jesus, Christians are not a monolithic group. Despite the impression given by some, there are many different understandings of what following Jesus means.

My theology and understanding of the science of reproduction, lead me to conclude that contraception is consistent with the faith. In many cases, such as my own, I believe it to be the most moral decision. I understand and respect the Catholic theology that is unsupportive of many forms of contraception. There is a strong faith that undergirds the official position. I simply do not agree.

Americans are free to hold personal beliefs about the morality of contraception based upon their religious (or nonreligious) worldview. As designed, American government must cast a wider range of what is morally acceptable than any particular belief system or religion. This is the nature of a pluralistic, open society.

This is the nature of a people who built respect of differing views into their constitution. Freedom of expression and religious practice are an essential part of what it means to be American.

Many do not come to the same conclusions about birth control as I do. They are free to persuasively argue for their position. They are not free, however, to impose their religious teachings upon the whole. To do so has a name. That name is theocracy.

The Core Secret of Our Marriage

2012-02-14T10:51:00.000-08:00

My wife and I have been married for almost 33 years. I'm often asked, "What's your secret?" Typically my answer is about being realistic, accepting highs & lows, or about a sense of humor. The core secret is about the covenant we made with one another on a sweltering midwest summer day.

About Covenant

The term covenant has a strong association with the Judeo-Christian tradition as a model for relationship. If you read the Hebrew scriptures (Old Testament), you are privy to a love story between God and the Israelites.

Even when the people are unworthy of God's love, and God has every reason to abandon them, God ultimately honors covenant. For example, in Judges 10, after years of idol worship, the Israelites seek God’s help when under threat from the Ammonites. God is rightfully angry with their newfound faith: “Go and cry to the gods whom you have chosen; let them deliver you in the time of your distress” (Judges 10:14 NRSV).

Despite rightful frustration, God “could no longer bear to see Israel suffer” (Judges 10: 16b NRSV). God responds in compassion and honors covenant. It is this covenantal relationship that serves as a model for our human relationships, including marriage.

The core success of our marriage, then, is that we stood before family, friends, and clergy on that day, publicly entering covenant. We invoked the Divine blessing and covenanted to work at our relationship. Our marriage covenant is with one another and with God.

Divine Presence

Created as physical and spiritual beings, to live into the image of God requires that we open ourselves to the spiritual. Life is an arduous, challenging experience. It is evidence of divinity when any of us are able to connect with other human beings.

A UCC minister and his wife, friends of my parents from their days at seminary, gave us a simple but powerful wedding gift thirty-three years ago. The physical gift was a golden cross with two rings.

This is the first in a series about living in
covenant with another person.

Living in Covenant Series
The Core Secret of Our Marriage
Keeping Covenant When the Storms Roll In

The physical cross, however, was not the gift. The gift was the comment from Uncle Harold that our love and marriage are a gift from God. The implication being that we must treat our love and marriage with reverence.

My beloved Maggie and I have both sought to remember that our marriage is a sacred covenant. We seek to afford one another the respect that we afford God. For example, I know that Maggie doesn't rake me through the coals with co-workers. Likewise, her most sensitive secrets will never appear in one of my blogs.

We have both made mistakes. (God knows I have!) But to have slept with another woman or man, would be no more a failure to keep covenant with my beloved than if I betrayed our private conversations. As such, neither of us -regardless of temptations - have strayed or long-avoided the hard work of living as a married couple.

Keeper of Covenants,

Thank you for your love,
that flows within all of creation.
Thank you for the forgiveness,
even when it is undeserved.

Flow through my relationships with others:
with Maggie,
with those whom I meet at the market,
at the gas station,
or who are begging on the street.

When I fail to be who you,
created me to be,
forgive me,
and empower me to confess,
and make amends.

For it is in following your loving lure,
that the world reflects you.
It is in your love,
that I am who you desire me to be.

Amen.

This is the first of several blog posts about what it means to live in covenant with another human being. The next will be about dealing with change and growth in one another.

Whitecaps of the One

2012-02-13T10:39:00.000-08:00

The blue water of the river,
absorbs the joyful sunshine,
warming itself and,
the abundance within.

Bedraggled, she walks the bank,
the sparkling, divine water,
radiates outward greeting her.

Joyfulness cannot be contained,
by a rocky, sandy edge.
Whitecaps reach upward and outward,
finding an ocular entry.

Burdened by the human-made,
in a mere glimpse of the glistening joy,
the Divine rays of abundance,
flow into an arduous life.

The sun-water within her ripples into,
her dispiriting presence,
creating hopeful whitecaps in muddy waters.

Blueness saturates her brown eyes,
and the divine sunshine flows downriver,
breaking out of its banks into towns north & south.

A Prayer

2012-02-12T09:45:00.000-08:00

Jargon rarely furthers the extravagant love of the Divine beyond those already on the inside. Jesus calls us to borderlands where outsiders have been discarded & too often forgotten by those in-power, on the in-side, & who are in-focused.

God, today & everyday push me to the borderlands that I might not only be your presence but see you in everyone I meet. AMEN.

Emptying Barns of Preconceptions

2012-01-28T21:05:00.000-08:00

"Selling our house and becoming renters will allow us to respond quickly to wherever the Spirit calls us." I said this while my wife and I were in the midst of actively giving away possessions.


But God said to him, “You fool! This very night your life is being demanded of you. And the things you have prepared, whose will they be?” So it is with those who store up treasures for themselves but are not rich towards God.’ Luke 12: 20-21 NRSV

Seventeen months ago yesterday, my wife and I began our journey of Emptying Barns. Emptying Barns is the name we dubbed our conscious journey of simplifying and letting go of possessions. (The term refers to a parable told by Jesus in Luke 12.) I confess we've been on a bit of a lull since arriving in Portland on Labor Day. Having managed to fit all of our possessions into our then two cars, we've gotten rid of very few things since arriving here. (We did sell my beloved car but that had more to do with financial concerns than simplifying.)

I won't reiterate all of the details of why we feel letting go of things is important. (If you want that detail, please read Emptying Barns at One-Year.) I will, however, say that this is primarily about removing the clutter that keeps us from God. It is about using our share of the planet's resources and being faithful stewards. Emptying Barns is an attitude that says, God's justice and God's extravagant love is about relationships not things.

When I said, "Selling our house and becoming renters will allow us to respond quickly to wherever the Spirit calls us, I perceived that we might move to a different neighborhood in Portland when our lease expired. I certainly didn't think God would send us packing - after only five months - to a small town sixty-five miles east in the Columbia River Gorge. I also was talking big when I said that; I had a romanticized view of my ministry-in-formation.

That's the nature of responding faithfully, though, isn't it? It's rarely like we think it will be. God tends to continually challenge us to do more than we thought we could. God stretches our perceptions in surprising ways. For example, I've been quite self-satisfied that we moved from a three-bedroom home to a two-bedroom duplex, and then to a studio apartment. Yet, I've learned that the downside of a 250 square foot studio apartment is that it is very difficult to provide hospitality.

We will be moving into a one-bedroom apartment in the Hood River area this week. I confess I feel a little guilty. It's a very nice apartment. Very nice! It doesn't fit with my image of Emptying Barns but, I confess, I'm excited about the opportunity we will have to provide hospitality. I can imagine folks gathering in the our living room overlooking the Columbia River. I can imagine using this space for my ministry-in-formation.

Yes, Emptying Barns is about letting go of possessions but it is also about letting go of preconceptions. It is about being still, listening for the voice of the One, trusting and responding, and sometimes it is about having the physical space to be hospitable.

God of Surprises,

Your abundant love never ends,

as You challenge me to be truer to Your will.

Just when I think I've got it all figured out,

You show me my arrogance and,

turning it all around on me.

I feel so overwhelmed lately,

You beckon me to places that surprise me,

that require I trust in You.

Heighten my senses that I can feel,

Your loving embrace around me.

Open my heart and mind to You that,

I can see what I need to see,

trust You where I can't yet see,

and still reflect Your love to others.

In the name of the rabbi who surprised the world,

by opening himself fully to You.

Amen.

Our Urge to De-merge

2012-01-26T19:23:00.000-08:00

I sat on the couch performing surgery on myself. My notebook warmed my lap as I severed myself into two parts. This was no clean in & out surgery. I cut a connecting artery here, I transplanted an organ from this side to that, and I did elaborate zig-zag stitching worthy of a master seamstress.

A bi-vocational minister, I was performing surgery on my three-decade long resume into two versions: the early childhood version and the ministry version. I struggled to decide what parts went where. My academic advising of students went beyond classes as I listened and counseled about life issues. I always considered that part of my life a ministry. Too bad it didn't really look that way on paper.

As I cut and stitched my resume, I found myself connecting one life experience to another only to cut them apart a few minutes later. I kept changing my mind. It wasn't that I was indecisive... it's just that I wanted the documents to fully represent who I am. In the end, I gave up and reassembled the two resumes into one. If churches didn't value my secular work or if secular institutions didn't value my ministry, well, I reasoned, they didn't value who I am.

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Blame the Greeks or blame the Gnostics, either way our culture suffers from deeply ingrained dualistic thinking. This manifests in severing ourselves from one another as well as cutting ourselves apart. The concept of wholeness is somehow an alternative, an "on the fringes" way of thinking.

In politics, where we seem to have lost respect for any opinion but our own, this dualism of polarization needs no explanation to any but the most ardent hermit. The concept of communal problem solving is a decaying corpse. We've abandoned any semblance of civil discourse or seeing the value in other ideas.

In our sociocultural discourse we mirror the judgementalism of politics. If you don't do things the way I do then you must be flawed. At the very least your silly ways are worthy of my laughter, ridicule, name calling, or sarcasm.

As North Americans, we pretend that we don't need one another. Having bought into the myth of the white pioneer rugged individualist, who did it by himself, we de-merge from others. It doesn't matter that white pioneers journeyed across the continent in groups, relying on the help of one another. We tell ourselves we can go it alone.

In contemporary times this manifests in lonely parenting, in stubborn self-reliance, and in self-hatred when we cannot do it all on our own. The Super-Mom myth that emerged in the last century is an example of this. Women were told that they could give 100% to a career and 100% to the home--without help from anyone else. Unable to achieve 200% by oneself, too many parents feel guilty.

As an instructor of future teachers, one of the core concepts I sought to teach students was that of the whole child. This is the idea that all aspects of the child, physical, social-emotional, and cognitive, are inextricably linked. I had to teach this alternative idea because we have artificially severed the academic from the physical and social-emotional. While there is a strong movement supporting wholeness, both within and outside the educational establishments, they are fighting an uphill battle against a deeply ingrained dualism.

Religion itself too often ups the ante. In religious dualism we're dragged beyond the one life we all know we have, into the next. Many Christian sects, for example, set up the dualism of insiders who are saved and rewarded versus outsiders, everyone else, who is unsaved (lost?) and will surely burn in a fiery hell. We convince ourselves that only right-thinking people are worthy of the extravagant love of the God.

The dualism in some Christian circles, spurred by a tradition that misinterprets scripture has deemed the physical as evil or unworthy and the spiritual as good and pure. Hence, we rarely talk about sexuality except to condemn it. Christian doctrine, historically decided by men, is especially critical of women's bodies and sexuality. The church's discomfort even manifests in extra biblical beliefs about the immaculate conception of Mary, the mother of Jesus. This belief reflects dualistic thinking in which the body (sexuality) is bad and the spiritual is good.

Is it any wonder that we even split ourselves apart? All of this dualistic, either/or thinking, leads to perceiving ourselves as less than whole. Our culture, politics, and religious life have resulted in an urge to de-merge. To reject our physicality or other aspects of our God-created nature, is to reject not only ourselves but the One who created us.

God of Wholeness,

You who created us to depend upon one another,
You who created us each with Gifts needed by others,
We ask that you help us to recognize,
our need for one another.

You who created us each as tapestries of wholeness,
as images of your divinity,
We ask that you help us to see the You,
in us and in one another.

You whose love knows no boundaries,
whose loving wholeness encapsulates all of creation,
We offer gratitude for the faith you have in us.

Divine wholeness,
may we strive for faithfulness to You.
Gently encourage us to give up,
our arrogant individualism,
and our self-hatred that manifests,
in rejecting parts of ourselves.

For it is the One-ness of You,
in the acceptance of ourselves,
and the embracing of one another,
that we will find You.

In the many names humanity has used for you,
we pray for wholeness.

Amen.

Living Outside the Boxes

2012-01-25T19:57:00.000-08:00

I spent much of Monday making phone calls and visiting websites, doing those things that one does before a move: scheduling utility starts and stops, reserving a U-Haul. I struggled through the questions that used to be so simple. Have you lived in your home at least twelve months? Where are you employed?

This image is by artist Rhea Brown.

In the last year, I've already moved out of two homes, this is the third. If you count my efficiency at seminary, this is the fourth move in less than twelve months. I am on a Spirit-led journey that was spurred by a "Holy Spirit moment" in the summer of 2010. I perceived a call to new church ministry. I am in what church bureaucracies call, discernment. I'd argue that I'm not so much discerning as waiting, listening and responding, and waiting some more as the Spirit reveals the form of this new thing (Isaiah 43).

This journey makes answering where I'm employed even more difficult. My primary vocation is following the lure of the Spirit. Unfortunately, that doesn't pay much. To help cover a few bills, I substitute teach in several early childhood programs. I've actually turned down two full-time teaching positions in my commitment to a Spirit-led life. You can see why corporate America and our mainstream culture don't know what box to check regarding me.

Even some church people don't seem to "get" me. Yes, some understand what it is to be Spirit-led but there are probably more folks in the pews who don't. They smile and affirm me in that way that exudes respect but lacks understanding. You know it's like they think I'm crazy but they love me anyway. Some institutional (including judicatory-type) churchfolk try to fit me into their institutional models or suggest I send out my search and call papers. Even the traditional discernment process doesn't seem to fit me. I am convinced that I'm called to something radically different. Consequently, I even feel uncomfortable with the term "new church."

None of these challenges of striving to follow the Spirit are helped by God. God seems to have a need-to-know policy on where this is all headed. How hard would it really be for God to email me a copy of God's business plan! There are times when I grow weary of this counter-cultural path upon which I find myself. Often I feel devoid of the language to describe to others who I am and what I am experiencing.

After my Monday of squeezing myself into corporate boxes, I was blessed by a tweet quoting Henri Nouwen.

"Jesus . . . asks us to move from a leadership built on power to a leadership in which we critically discern where God is leading us. . . ."

In less than 140 characters, I felt my angst of following the Spirit validated. Nouwen encapsulates my struggle between living in a world of taking charge and a world of being who God calls me to be. Our culture, within and outside of the church, is based on power structures, hierarchies, planning, deciding, and doing. Success is defined by the matrices of popularity, dollars, bodies in attendance, endowments, and of doing. I am striving, however, to discern the Spirit's gentle nudges, to be who the One created me to be. When Jesus called James and his brother John, they got up and left their father and their fishing business behind. They did this to follow Jesus (Mark 1: 14-20).

This is what I strive to do as the Spirit beckons me forward: to follow the One who breathes in God and lived the life he was called to live. Though I stumble over questions asked by utilities and sometimes give in to the temptations of a culture more concerned with things than people, I have left my boat. I've left my fishing business to follow the One who embodied the extravagant love of the Divine.

Unladylike: Disciples Have Gender Bias, Too

2012-01-22T15:02:00.000-08:00

I have yet to read this recently released book by Portland's Pam Hogeweide. My comments today then are in response only to the following promotional trailer.

While my own denomination, the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) has been ordaining women since at least 1888, and we were the first mainline denomination to elect a woman as General Minister & President we are not without problems of gender bias.

How many women who are called by God and confirmed by the church, do not receive calls to serve churches because of systemic gender bias? What about subtle bias against women leaders in our churches that call women as elders and pastors? Do we name it, claim it, and do the hard work among God's people to change it? Too often in my experience the answer has been no. The comment in this video about non-essentials and essentials of the Christian faith is particularly important to us. If it is an essential, we need to address the injustice directly and lovingly but address it we must.

Intolerance of women in positions of leadership is doctrine in many Christian bodies. In our drive to be ecumenical, do we too often throw women under the bus in the name of unity? Is our polar star of unity trumping God's justice when we tolerate injustices against women? I do not suggest we refuse to talk to our Christian kindred who come to different conclusions about the scriptures. However, we need to be far more outspoken about the injustices inherent in that position.

Before we are able to speak with prophetic authority to other bodies of the church, however, we need to remove the log from our own eyes. Intolerance of women in positions of leadership is still practiced within a minority of Disciples congregations. (This is possible because we practice congregational governance.) What does it say about our commitment to God's justice when we refuse to allow women to serve as elders or ministers within our own denomination? Are we accepting that which is unjust simply to avoid losing a congregation from the denomination?

So, before we get smug about our tradition of ordaining women since nearly the beginning of our movement, we need to address injustices within our own body.

****

Follow Pam Hogeweide on Twitter at @pamhogeweide

Always & Forever Creating

2012-01-19T12:49:00.000-08:00

The world: it is transforming,
changing from what it was,
to what it will be.

The world is,
always and forever transforming.

The people are responding,
some are changing,
some by embracing,
and some by resisting a little or a lot.

The people are,
always and forever embracing and resisting.

The Divine is creating,
as the Divine did in ancient times,
in not so ancient times,
and in our times.

The Divine is,
always and forever creating.

The One is lovingly creating,
not created, not planning,
but being & doing love.

The One is,
always and forever love.

The Divine One is creating with love,
and in so doing instills Oneself,
and in so doing weaves the Divine
into all that is and all that will be.

The One keeps creating,
the love keeps flowing,
whether we resist a little or a lot.

The Loving One is,
always and forever creating with us and within us,
whether we're resistance or embrace-ness.

The One retrieves resistance,
embraces it and transforms it,
creating love with it.

For all that is created by love,
for all that is created of love,
gently steers resistance and embrace,
to wholeness.

Always and forever,
we move toward loving wholeness,
guided by the love that creates and transforms.

The Gift of Just Being There

2012-01-17T12:16:00.000-08:00

I lay on the rug beside the 3-year-old boy as he told me of an upset. He and his dad apparently had a conflict before school that day. The boy told me about his feelings. I brushed back his long blonde hair to see his wet eyes while he talked. When he was done with his story, he got up, and ran to play with friends.

Once a child's emotional needs are met, they are free to risk and explore, to be independent. As a former college instructor and administrator in early childhood education, I sought to teach this concept to students and staff. When one of my staff members or students was faced with a particularly whiny, clingy, or needy child, it could be difficult to convince them of this truth. Children's (and adult's) emotions are too often viewed as problems to be solved. What children need, however, is to feel their emotion, to be heard and to be seen by someone who is truly present. It is only after children are heard that they can move forward. The same is true for adults.

"How are you today?", asked the grocery clerk.

"I'm fine, thank you, how about you?" I asked.

Though she said she was well, I was not convinced and said so. She proceeded to tell me about her grandfather who was having surgery as we spoke. She told me how she hugged him at the hospital as he was wheeled away. The surgery would take much of the day and the prognosis was good. Clearly, though, she was preoccupied. I just listened. I reflected things like, "it's hard to focus on work when you know what's going on" and "even though the prognosis is good, you're worried." To both of these statements she nodded her head and told me more about her feelings. And about her grandfather.

I saw her again a few weeks later. She remembered me, thanked me for listening to her, and told me that "having an ear" helped her make it through that day. I was humbled by her appreciation; all I did was listen.

We need one another. We need the loving, accepting presence of others who listen, who see us, but do not try to solve our problems for us. We need someone who acts as a physical manifestation of the Divine presence for us.

Divine One of Presence:

Your love for all is steadfast.
Your presence allows us,
to use the Gifts you have given us.

Help us to open ourselves to your presence,
that we can more fully be who you created us to be,
that we can respond lovingly to all we encounter.

May we feel your loving presence from others,
in the loyalty of a beloved pet,
in the unexpected beauty of a sunrise,
in the friend who is "but a phone call away,"
and in the stranger who smiles.

May we see and feel you,
in our times of struggle.
May we be your loving presence,
for others in their difficulties.

As we seek to be your healing presence among all people,
we remember the human infant born in a stable.
We remember the One who breathed in your love,
and manifest your loving,
Divine presence among our ancient kindred.

Amen

A Revolution of Values

2012-01-16T10:45:00.000-08:00

We as a nation must undergo a radical revolution of values. . . . A true revolution of values will soon cause us to question the fairness and justice of many of our past and present policies. True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar. It comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring. When machines and computers, profit motives and property rights, are considered more important than people, the giant triplets of racism, extreme materialism, and militarism are incapable of being conquered. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Dance Here

2012-01-14T10:45:00.000-08:00

I left the coffee shop where the local Occupy Chaplains were meeting to catch my bus home. At the bus stop, "Dance Here" was stenciled on the sidewalk. I smiled, reminded of Emma Goldman's words, "If I can't dance, I don't want to be a part of your revolution."

I have been concerned about economic injustice for a very long time. I was recently reminded of my first sermon when I found a Youth Sunday bulletin from the 1970s. At 16, I stood up before a congregation of white suburban, middle-class Christians and pointed out global economic disparity. Americans, many of us Christians, I told them, were living well on the backs of impoverished people around the world.

It hasn't changed. It has worsened.

His thin, frail body hung in her arms. Thin herself, she stood before me seeking child care for her son. I looked into the baby's eyes, smiled, and spoke to him. Behind the cloudy, hollow eyes I could see the Divine still sparkling in him. He smiled back at me and made sounds typical of a much younger infant.

Within this country, the disparity between the haves and have-nots has grown in the last four decades. I directed a not-for-profit which primarily served the poor and "working poor" during the 1980s as the disparity was accelerating under new governmental policies. I heard the stories firsthand. I looked into the faces of those who struggled. As a follower of Jesus, sometimes my response was to bend the rules I could bend, to level the playing field as much as possible.

The woman holding the baby asked, "Do you have any openings?" Though there was no room at the inn I administered, the faces of the Daughters of Charity flashed through my mind. (They founded the program as an orphanage in 1849 for poor children). I walked this mother through the enrollment papers. The baby started the next morning.

My wife doesn't always speak positively about the years I spent directing that program. The constant struggles of an underfunded program serving society's nearly forgotten, meant that I was often too tired to dance. It meant that my own paycheck went uncashed for days or weeks until the program could afford to pay me. It meant that I was often shorter with my own children than I would otherwise have been.

Dance here.

The secret of surviving those years was to take breaks in the baby room, to read stories to the preschoolers, and to dance with the two-year-olds. I danced and laughed when I should've recommended that we close our doors. In a time of revolution, in serving families that society called lazy, incompetent, and undeserving, we found time for dancing in the midst of our tears.

The work of revolution, of heeding the Divine's call to care for all of God's people, can often feel oppressive when you're enmeshed in the struggle. Don't forget to take dance breaks.

Then the prophet Miriam, Aaron’s sister, took a tambourine in her hand; and all the women went out after her with tambourines and with dancing.

Exodus 15: 20 NRSV Read this passage in context.

God Met Me on the Bus Today

2012-01-10T17:49:00.000-08:00

God sat across from me on the bus today but I didn't trust God....

The young man walked to the back of the bus and sat across from me. He carried a large, loosely-packed gym bag. He wore crisp black jeans, a hoody, athletic shoes, and an Oakland Raiders cap. I bristled making sure I had my bag over my shoulder, with my fingers looped tightly around the handle.

What was it that caused me to respond to this young man with mistrust? He was clean, well-groomed. The style of his clothing was similar to that which my nephew Jacob wears routinely. I'm never disturbed by Jacob's attire. The young man did nothing threatening. He simply walked to the back of the bus and took an open seat. He looked tired. If that's threatening, the bus was full of threats as it moved through the pre-dawn darkness.

I perceived a threat even when God's arms were open....

A short while later the bus stopped and another similarly-dressed young man joined us at the back of the bus. I did not respond to him in the same way that I responded to the first young man. I don't like to admit to why I felt threatened by the first young man but not the second. I am ashamed of the characteristic that triggered my automatic threat response.

I prayed but didn't trust God to heal....

My culturally-entrenched biases were triggered by the the color of the first young man's skin. Disappointed in my response, and in myself, I prayed. Even in my prayer seeking to overcome my bigotry--my racist feelings--I doubted that God could lessen them. You see, I've bumped up against these learned responses to young African American men in myself before. I've even used them as an example when teaching the Anti-Bias Curriculum to those preparing to be teachers. I've talked about the importance of self-reflection as a tool to avoid acting in a bigoted way. As I did this morning, I force myself to look at the situation objectively when my racism rears its ugly head.

God kept working on me....

Though, I did nothing overt, talking myself down is not enough. For one thing, subtlety is in the eyes of the beholder. The young man may not have noticed my "subtle" actions--but he may have. If he noticed them, he is aware of my sin against him. If he didn't, I still sinned.

Self-reflection and talking ourselves down may be a good first step. Still, if we are to combat racism each of us must not only be honest with ourselves, we must confess (i.e.; be honest with) to others.

We can start by being honest with God. This morning as I prayed to God to open my heart, my fingers remained wrapped around the handle of my bag. It's not that God doesn't know of my sins but until I lay them down before God, it is very unlikely that I will be open enough to let go of them.
We also need to admit publicly that we are imperfect, that we have racist feelings and thoughts. Though, unlike many European Americans, many of my childhood years were spent in mixed-race settings. Yet, my youngest years, when racism is first learned, were spent in all-white settings. The churches, schools, and neighborhoods in which I lived were nearly or all white until I moved to St. Louis at the age of eight. To pretend that I don't have racist feelings is to give them free rein.

God sat across from me on the bus today but I didn't trust God. I perceived a threat even when God's arms were open. I prayed but didn't trust God to heal. God kept working on me encouraging me to confess the sin of racism.

Even as I write this, I am doubting whether I want to post it to my blog. I am embarrassed. I don't want to admit that as an American man of European descent, I have any racist tendencies. If my embarrassment at my subconscious racism prevents me from admitting to them, can I truly overcome them?

So, today I confess publicly that I have racist thoughts and feelings. I am not proud of them. I try not to act upon them but I'm sure at times I do without being aware of them.

God of Grace and Transformation:

Forgive my sin of racist thought.

Forgive my failure to loosen my grip on my bag,

even as I am in communion with You.

Keep my eyes and heart open that,

I might seek your strength and healing power,

to overcome hatred.

Transform me that I might sow love,

even when hatred, racism, and bigotry rests within me.

Cause me to perceive the Divine,

cause me to see You in all whom I meet.

You are the One who includes and loves all.

Guide me to reveal more of You in me,

so that Your inclusive Kin_dom comes to all of Creation.

Amen

The Beckoning Love

2012-01-05T09:43:00.001-08:00

One of the reasons that Maggie (my wife) and I chose to let go of most of our possessions was so that we might be able to respond quickly to God's call. Little did we know that after moving to Portland with only what fit in two cars, we would be called to move again after five months. I confess I feel a bit overwhelmed with the rapidity of the Spirit dancing and beckoning us.

Yet, we are prepared for this move 65-miles east to the Columbia River Gorge. We are light enough on possessions that moving itself fails to daunt me. My heart knows this is what I signed up for when I was baptized so long ago, and when I was ordained last year. Responding to God, requires change and growth. Sometimes more change or more growth than I'd pick for myself.

Creating God,

You are the force of love,
that propels & connects,
the mountains & amoeba.

You are the connecting love,
holding each of us together,
even when we seem to strive toward hatred.

You are in each of us,
and between us.
You call to us,
beckoning us forward,
that we might do & be Your love.

In the Between, the relationships,
You continue creating.

May we each let go,
opening ourselves,
as co-creators of Your loving vision.

Amen

Year-End Reflection: Leading the Malleable Life Amid Hurricane-Force Winds

2011-12-31T18:21:00.000-08:00

The Malleable Life

A new friend recently described my life as malleable. I didn't like her choice of words because malleable connotes being beholden to outside influences. So, to prove her wrong, I looked it up in a couple dictionaries. I proved myself wrong.

Malleable refers to a material that can be bent "without breaking or cracking" (1). It can also be something that has "a capacity for adaptive change" (2). It turns out that my friend was right.

Mt. Hood as seen from
Portland, Oregon

I've found the malleable life the best response to the constantly blowing winds of living. Without adaptive change, it is easy to buckle or become disheveled by breezes and gusts from all directions. When that constantly blowing wind is "the very breath of God" (3), adapting is the only option.

Over the last four-years, and especially the last 18-months, "the very breath of God" has become a hurricane force wind. You see, I had a "Holy Spirit moment" in the summer of 2010 that precipitated our move to Portland (4). This spiritual moment was clear, powerful, and provided a specific message. The message was one word: Portland. It came after multiple days of heavy duty praying for direction.

Intuitive Faith & Rationality

Acting intuitively in faith, my wife and I spent the next year preparing for the move. We gave up all our possessions except for what fit in two cars (5). We sold our 3-bedroom home and moved 2700-miles into a 250 square foot studio apartment.

I did the rational things, too. I worked through the denominational materials for discerning new church ministry. I studied about Portland and target demographics. The impetus for and the foundation of this radical move, however, has always rested upon that one moment at the Lord's Table when I experienced God nudging me to the Northwest.

The Continuously Creative Divine Breath of God

I am about to do a new thing;

now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?

I will make a way in the wilderness

and rivers in the desert.

Isaiah 43: 19 NRSV

The Columbia River Gorge
near Hood River.

Here is the crux of my problem, confusion, and doubts: God is challenging my assumptions again. Amid the hurricane-force winds of the Divine breath, I have longed for rationality and linear faith. My malleability was reaching its limits. Though that "Holy Spirit moment" in the summer of 2010 was specific, my wife has just accepted a chaplain ministry 65-miles away in the Columbia River Gorge.

How could I find myself facing another change that did not include Portland? My discernment, though lacking clarity at times, has always included the Rose City. Though I have continued to trust the Divine lure, patiently awaiting as the layers of the onion peel away slowly (6), I have believed geography was now settled.

But, faith is not a linear or even terribly rational process.

The Vast Wilderness Spanning a Continent

Leaving the wilderness of my last few years I arrived in Portland to find more wilderness. I've perceived and heeded calls to places I didn't want to be. My patience with taking only enough manna for the day has been challenged. (7) I've simultaneously longed for and rejected financial security. Despite craving a specific job, I heeded the blowing winds, chose the malleable life, and turned it down so that I might heed the Divine claim on my life.

And then the Divine challenged even my assumptions about Portland. Maggie's new job answers many of our personal challenges as one year ends and a new one begins. It also creates its own problems. In recent weeks I have been desperately clinging to old and narrow ways of thinking as God's hurricane-force winds blew over me. I have agonized.

At first we thought my wife could just commute. As we reflected on it more and more that seemed like a less and less ideal situation for her ministry. But wasn't my "Holy Spirit moment" specific about Portland? I would think I had answered my doubts only to have them re-emerge. Pity my wife as I would say, "I feel better now" only to agonize verbally a few hours later. It was time for some alone time with God.

Time Alone with the Divine: Letting Go of an Image

Interfaith Guild of Chaplains at
#OccupyThanksgiving

I burned incense, I prayed, I played music, read, and lit candles. Finally, with a rested mind, heart, and body I could perceive the Spirit's presence responding to my doubts. I first had to let go of my idolatry of Portland. Yes, the Spirit called me here but my stubborn refusal to see other options kept me from seeing the big picture.

Once I admitted my grief that I might be being called out of the Rose City, the winds calmed. The warm, loving embrace of God's healing breath engulfed me. Using my theology as a tool to interpret and understand my situation, I realized I don't have to give up Portland. My ministry with the Interfaith Guild of Chaplains at Occupy Portland is not coming to a close. It is transforming.

Given Maggie's new job, the most loving response to her, and to a sustainable lifestyle, is for us to move to the Columbia River Gorge. Once I accepted this, all the wrong-think dissipated. Where once I could only see hurricanes, I am glimpsing healing winds. I can see more time in ministry and less in earning a dollar.

I am not being called to leave Portland or my ministry here. Instead of perceiving Portland literalistic, I can see it in a broader way. My ministry can be regional: in the city and in the Columbia River Gorge. (I mean if Craigslist.com includes the Gorge on its Portland website, why can't I?) For me to spend an hour and fifteen minutes driving to Portland two or three days a week is much more do-able than my wife commuting daily.

My humanly-constructed image of my ministry, was limiting my openness to where I am being lured. How my Occupy ministry and my new "church" plant evolve into the new thing springing forth, I don't know. I don't have to know. I simply have to trust, listen, and respond in love to the gentle breeze of God.

Ever-Creating God,

As we leave one year,
and begin another I pause to be with You.

You bless me with Your patience when,
when I doubt,
allowing my bigotry to closes me off from others,
and to think too narrowly.

Though I perceive a hurricane,
Your breath heals and nurtures me.

Thank you for Your breath,
that envelopes me,
nurtures me,
and persists when I see gale-force winds.

Help me to be open to Your call,
in all its fluidity,
in all its broadness,
and all its creative, extravagant lovingness.

Remind me when I doubt,
that you are with me,
embracing me with your loving arms,
whispering to me as the breeze blows,
revealing the most loving path in the eyes of others.

Remind me that I have the opportunity to reflect your extravagant love,
in each moment,
in each day,
to each person, animal, and plant.

Amen.

Footnotes
(1) New Oxford American Dictionary
(2) Merriam-Webster Dictionary
(3) Read the first portion of "A Theology" for an understanding how "the very breath of God" is related to wind.
(4) I write about my "Holy Spirit moment" in "Being."
(5) I describe the experience of giving up most of our possessions in "Emptying Barns at One Year."
(6) To understand the reference to peeling onions further, read "Onion Peels on the Treadmill."
(7) Read "Whining for Manna".

Let Metaphor Be Metaphor & Hear God

2011-12-29T12:16:00.000-08:00

Let me start by laying it out straight: the use of Father to refer to or to describe God is metaphor. God is not literally the father of human beings. The Divine is indescribable. Various theologies, including my own, are simply our ways of talking about the mysterium tremendum. (Merriam-Webster defines mysterium tremendum as overwhelming mystery.) This is an assumption from which I begin.

The metaphor of a Father God can help us to describe our experiences of the Divine. For those who have abusive or even just strained relationships with fathers or men, however, this metaphor can make it harder to relate to the Divine. Such is the nature of metaphors; they're subject to personal biases.

There is also always a point at which any metaphor breaks down. Imagine using a bicycle as a metaphor to describe "car" to someone who has never seen a car. A bicycle is similar to a car: it has wheels and it is a form of transport. Carry out that metaphor and you run into problems. While you feel the breeze on a bike, you can only feel the breeze in a car if the windows are down. Your physical well-being is enhanced by biking whereas the opposite can be true with driving. A car can carry a bike but it is quite a feat for a bike to carry a car. Likewise, when we use Father as a metaphor for God, it works only up to a point. It eventually breaks down. A bike is not a car and a father is not God.

This is the problem with a literal, "inerrant word of God" approach to the Christian Bible. The Bible is filled with metaphors. Metaphors reflect truths but they are not truth themselves. The bicycle for car metaphor reveals a truth about "car." Both are a form of transportation operated by human beings but they are not the same thing.

In much the same way, the collected stories of ancient peoples' theologies and experiences of God (the Bible) reveal truths to us. If we take them literally, we limit God's voice. We constrain Divine truths to written words on a page. The Divine, what I call God, and spirituality are overwhelming mysteries. In the biblical texts, in the sacred writings of other traditions, in the faces of children, and in the natural world that sustains us are glimpses of the overwhelming mystery. We must learn what we can from metaphors and then let them go. Only then, will we glimpse the living, growing, unfolding, dance of the Divine beyond the metaphor.

The Longest Night

2011-12-21T08:04:00.000-08:00

Today is the shortest day of the year. Across the northern hemisphere we have the fewest hours of sunlight that we will have all year. We are facing our longest night.

Each year, the Winter Solstice, the longest night, arrives in the days leading up to Christmas. During the month of December, Christians (and everyone else) hear carols implying that we must all be happy. In the words of a 1980s cartoon character, we should all feel "Happy Happy Joy Joy." Unfortunately, not all of us do.

Those who live on the streets, those with shelter but who are unemployed, those who recently lost a loved one, those who struggle with the dark days of winter, those who are separated from loved ones by war or distance, or anyone who does not - for whatever reason - feel the "Happy Happy Joy Joy" are faced with additional pressures during this season.

Christmas is a time of promise and hope but it is not a time of resurrection. In short, it is reasonable to feel sadness.

In the Christian narrative, Jesus' birth and ministry, his teaching and healing, point the way toward a time when we will not feel the pain but it does not take all that pain away in present.

In the gospel narratives, we see an era of great social upheaval. The religious establishment of the time did not always address the challenges of the people well. The Jewish people remained under siege, under occupation, by yet another power. Most of their history in Israel had been one in which they did not control their own land. The feelings of frustration and powerlessness of the people must have been great. Into this time entered the hope of Jesus. In the storyline, Jesus marked the beginning of a new time in which the suffering would cease. It did not end the suffering.

Our connectedness to challenges, to sadness, frustration, and oppression remains today. To a pregnant woman and her partner, being forced by the government to travel on foot miles to register for the census, must've felt like a great burden. This poor couple could not even find a room at a scuzzy motel. A small candle of hope entered into their desperate, houseless situation when the innkeeper allowed them to sleep in the stable.

That night when the story tells us that the infant was born, Mary and Joseph must've felt bittersweet. The hope of a baby is great but the sadness of laying your newborn in an animal's food dish could not have been what the new parents wanted for their son. And, yet, looking backward from the vantage point of history we know that Jesus' life, death, and resurrection offer hope for humanity.

As we face this longest night of the year, let us acknowledge our pains, our sadness, our sense of despair for our fragmented world. It is real. Our pain is real. Let us also remember that, as our Buddhist friends teach, all things are impermanent. We will not always feel how we feel today. In the birth of an infant, in the kindness of an innkeeper, or the smile of a stranger a candle of hope is lit and a better time begins to unfold.

Divine One,

Feel our pain with us.

Feel our emptyness,
our grief,
our frustrations,
our fears,
our feelings banned by the happy happy joy joy of the season.

Validate us,
that we do and can feel as we do.

Love us though we sometimes don't even think you exist,
or that you have abandoned us.

Light a candle of hope in us,
as we continue our struggle through this longest night.

Amen

It's So Easy to Fall Back into Routines

2011-12-20T08:03:00.000-08:00

I am about to do a new thing;

now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?

I will make a way in the wilderness
and rivers in the desert.

Isaiah 43:19 NRSV

A teacher describes moving the location of a favorite activity in her classroom. The toddlers in her care kept moving the activity back to its original location. Finally, she gave in to their persistence.

The light switch in the dining room of a house never seems to be in the right place because the switch in the man's growing up home was on the other wall.

After months and years of working hard to eat healthy foods of reasonable quantities, a woman goes on vacation and returns overeating in her daily routine.

It's so easy to fall back into routines.

Fresh out of college, my wife followed me to Cape Girardeau, Missouri. I lost that job less than two-years later. Since that time I have followed Maggie around the country as her profession and vocation called her. I am blessed by lifetime friends in places as divergent as New York and West Virginia. I have gotten into the habit of following Maggie, my wife.

After spending three years in seminary, commuting 650 miles each week or being separated from Maggie for weeks at a time, I heard a powerful call to do a new thing in Portland. As I followed the Holy Spirit's luring Maggie followed me. This has been a new experience for me; to be the one moving this ship of marriage forward.

To make this transition Maggie took a position that paid minimally but in the direction she discerns a call. This work of hers, helped us get to Portland. In order to pay the bills, I began working in my previous profession: early childhood education. The hours increased and my focus fell away from my purpose in being here.

It's so easy to fall back into routines.

Maggie recently accepted a position that pays a living wage. This new position will enable me to back off on the number of hours I am working to keep our financial ship in afloat. Still, I hesitate. As I explained to Maggie last night, "The problem is these are not theoretical children. These are children whom I love. Leaving them is hard even though I know it is where I'm being called."

I have spent three decades of my life deeply committed to children and families in very concrete ways. But God has issued a new claim, a new direction for my life. It is a call that excites me but it is so easy to do what I've always done.

Creating God,

Weep with me as I continue to let go,

not just of the things,

but of ideas, people, & self-image.

Strengthen me with the will to do the new thing.

Give me the wisdom to see the ways the old undergird the new.

Nourish me with the drive to co-create with you in this place.

Give me the dexterity on my feet to respond to a changing world.

For you are the love which this world craves in this time.

Amen.

"Well, Maybe Tim Can Eat It"

2011-12-18T13:17:00.000-08:00

"Well, maybe Tim can eat it."

My wife frequently hears this line from others as she is handed a gift that she cannot eat because of dietary restrictions. She's always courteous, appreciative, and smiles as she thanks the well-meaning individual. (This is an example of how she's a better person than I am.)

Oh, I get when people who don't know about her dietary restrictions give her something she cannot eat. What I don't understand is the people who know and still give her gifts she has to immediately re-gift to me. If it is the thought that counts, the giver who knows, and still gives this kind of gift, has utterly failed.

It seems to me that the "thought" is "I am giving everyone gifts but I'm not thinking about the individuals to whom I am giving." In this case, that person not being considered is my wife.

"Well, maybe Tim can eat it."

Just as my wife is not considered by the knowing gift-giver, children are too often viewed as objects of our actions rather than as people worthy of our consideration. Particularly at this time of year children are the focus of retailers' marketing campaigns. Children are manipulated into whining for that toy that from which retailers and corporations seek to profit. If the children recruited by advertisers are not persuasive enough, the ad campaign is focused directly at parents. Giving the desired gift to your child will prove your worth as a parent. It will buy your child's love. It will alleviate your guilt.

The impact of this for adults who can afford the primo gift is often debt and temporary release of guilt. Unfortunately, those families who cannot afford to purchase the prized item, feel even more guilty.

"Well, maybe the corporations can profit from it."

Too many twenty-first century Christians give the message that in order to receive the gift of God's love, one must meet specific requirements. You must be straight, preferably white. Being male also supposedly brings you closer to God's favor.

Some Christians even espouse a theology of wealth. In other words, God rewards the worthy with earthly wealth. In this human-constructed theology, white men especially those among the one-percent, are the most beloved by God. Why else would they be the most powerful in our culture? Why else would Congress argue over unemployment benefits, payroll tax deductions for the middle class, and food benefits for the poor while extending "temporary" tax cuts for the wealthiest among us? Why else would we have millions of people, many of them veterans, living on the street while politicians receive huge sums of money for their campaigns from corporate interests?

"Well, at least the 1% can have a government that serves their interests."

Another Way

In the Christmas narratives found in the biblical text, we learn that the infant Jesus was born to a poor family. We learn from the Luke story that the specialness of the infant was apparent to shepherds, the poor. In Matthew's gospel we learn that even the wealthy (the Magi) recognized the importance of the one who was to be called Messiah.

In the biblical stories, an adult Jesus shows an affinity for the poor and other outcasts of his ancient society. He taught about the importance of giving others that which they need: healing, hope, and food. In short, Jesus practiced radically loving, gracious hospitality. He and his disciples even relied on the hospitality of strangers as they traveled teaching and spreading what would later be called the Good News. That Good News is that God loves all of us extravagantly whether we can eat sugar or not, whether we can afford the latest toy for our child or not, and whether we are employed or have a home or not.

In our culture, we give too much to those who already have too much. We give leftovers to those who are without. We argue whether others are worthy of receiving food stamps suggesting they must take drug tests to prove their worth. We don't give the beggar on the street corner a dollar because they might misuse it while we throw away money on the latest gadget.

As a country, we send the riot squads into parks to remove Occupy protesters who dare to point out the economic injustice rampant in our culture. We tolerate Wall Street crime and nine years of pre-emptive war in Iraq while becoming angry that a park is occupied by those who don't necessarily look like us. We allow our police to round up the houseless to keep them from sleeping in a public space when our cities have a shortage of shelters.

Jesus healed without condition. He offered hope and a new path to the newly healed. Jesus did not require a urinalysis before sitting down with the outcast for a meal. Jesus gave up his life preaching the Good News that all of us are loved by God. Jesus gave up his life threatening the status quo by looking into the eyes of others regardless of their stock portfolio. Within each of us is the spark of the Divine.

Each of us deserve the dignity of being considered. As we head into the Christian celebration of Christ's birth, may we each reflect the Divine presence for one another. If we give a physical gift, may it be made or purchased with the receiver's needs in mind. (Yes, that means don't give a sugar cookie to a diabetic.) More importantly, may we respond to the need that each of us has to be recognized as the amazing, wonderful person we were lovingly created to be. May we give of ourselves in presence, in listening, and in loving one another.

God of Extravagant Love & Patience,

Encourage us to seek you,
in all whom we meet.

Cause us to be generous,
as we give of ourselves,
the best of ourselves,
and as we share material gifts.

May we be the people you call us to be,
as we respond to your love,
with healing kindness,
with a humble spirit seeking justice for your world.

With your loving guidance,
may we one day live as the one-hundred percent.

May we mutually respect and love one another,
that one day we all embrace our interconnectedness,
sharing the abundance you have provided among us.

Amen.

Prayer & Change

2011-12-11T23:17:00.001-08:00

“God works with the world as it is in order to bring it to where it can be. Prayer changes the way the world is, and therefore changes what the world can be. Prayer opens the world to its own transformation.”

― Marjorie Hewitt Suchocki, In God's Presence: Theological Reflections on Prayer

The Theological Problem with Rick Perry's Ad

2011-12-08T09:04:00.001-08:00

Thirty seconds is not long to say anything but the thirty-second ad speaks volumes. The candidate, speaking directly to the camera while subtle music plays in the background, names who is inside the circle, who is outside the circle, and who knows the one right way to believe in God.

Watch this 30-second ad for yourself.

The candidate begins by naming his bias; he's a Christian. So far, so good. It never hurts to name the perspective from which we each come. Unfortunately, calling yourself Christian is not descriptive enough in naming the biases from which you operate. Biases are multifaceted and Christianity itself is multifaceted. Christianity is more like viewing God through stained glass than picture glass. God is perceived through the events and images depicted on the glass just as we perceive God through our own journeys.

After calling himself a Christian, the candidate implies that you can call yourself Christian and not attend church regularly or even practice your faith religiously. You just have to believe as he does. (Yes, I can and often do argue that weekly attendance is not necessarily the best metric for faith but fundamentalist Christians, with whom this candidate identifies, typically do.)

Next, the candidate identifies who is inside his circle and who is outside his circle. He demonizes those who identify as GLBTQ. He suggests that there is a connection between the right to serve our country through military service and children "openly celebrat[ing] Christmas or pray[ing] in school[s]." He promises to "end Obama's war on religion." Outside of the hyperbole which all politicians seem to practice, this candidate's reference to a "war on religion" is a criticism of the President for not supporting the same interpretation of Christian teachings and practices to which he subscribes. He suggests that our public schools should support the culture and practices of his version of Christianity. The hidden message here is that the current President is an outsider and that there is only one way to practice the faith.

The candidate concludes by vowing to protect "our religious heritage." The heritage to which he refers is his way of practicing religion. Those who interpret the Christian traditions and Bible in the way he does, are insiders. Those who do not, are outsiders.

I find this ad problematic from a theological standpoint. The candidate ignores the ever widening circle of inclusion that is present in the Gospel narrative. Jesus preached to the Jews who were under occupation by Rome. He offered hope for a future. Jesus' circle was wide enough for the outcasts of the society of his day. His circle even widened to include Gentiles. As a Christian minister I disagree fervently with this candidate's theology and his interpretation of the canon.

Despite my disagreements with this candidate, I recognize we are brothers in Christ and in the human family. That means, we each have gifts and perspectives to offer as we strive to do God's will. It is difficult, however, to engage and learn from one another when one of us implies that we have the one right answer. That is why I am a pluralistic Christian. I don't have the only or right answer. I have very strongly held beliefs and a close relationship with the One I identify as God. I perceive the core of the faith to be one of loving inclusion. I interpret and perceive God's lure in my life but I know that I do not have the one right way to describe the mystical, spiritual realm.

The theological problem with that Rick Perry ad? It rejects the tenet of the One Body of Christ and separates us from others in the human family.

For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in the one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and we were all made to drink of one Spirit. 1 Corinthians 12: 12-13 NRSV

(To read this biblical passage in context, click here.)

A Tweet Turned "Prayer for Today"

2011-11-28T07:10:00.001-08:00

My experience of #God is like a 6th sense. It's as real as the ground I walk on, the air I breathe, & my wife's loving embrace.

I experience #God in the tears of "Aha!" & the tears of sad & joy. God is in the connections between, in the people I meet everyday.

I experience #God in the nagging push to respond in love to everyone I meet. Never giving up on me, God insists I love.

‎#God of extravagant, boundless, indescribable love: may I let go of my false images of you, let your love wash over me…

…& may I breathe you into my lungs & breathe out your love in my every action, in my every interaction. May your love flow thru me. Amen.

Ignoring Jesus & Injustice

2011-11-20T13:04:00.001-08:00

A recent communication about the Occupy movement, between a woman and her pastor, continues to nag at me. This private communication was shared with me by the woman. I write about it with her explicit permission. I am disturbed by the tone of the response from the pastor.

Photo by Mark Colman, retrieved from:
http://markcolman.tv/?p=938

The woman asked if her church would be willing to get involved in helping its local Occupy movement. The pastor's response was an unequivocal no. The pastor's explanation for why the church would not be helping the local Occupy included an expression of the sins (my word) of the movement. Each of the sins related to destruction of property. The pastor said the campers had destroyed the grass at the former site of the Occupation. The pastor repeated a report of an individual who had vandalized an ATM machine. The pastor listed other sins of the occupiers. They all related to property and disruption of the status quo.

As a minister of the gospel, I am disturbed by this response. If each of the sins the pastor listed were accurate, which is arguable and unclear, they still only represent actions of a minority of the Occupiers. Even if we assume that the destructive actions were perpetrated by a sizable number of Occupiers, the pastor's response is disturbing.

The Occupy movement is diverse. It is made up of people from multiple social strata but it has a large number of marginalized people in its number. In the local Occupy, the homeless, the mentally ill, and unemployed were particularly attracted to the Occupy campsite. As long as the middle class members were the most visible, the mainstream media, the government, and the general public were extremely tolerant of the disruption created by the occupation of two city parks. Once the media began talking about the mentally ill and homeless who had made homes at the encampment, the days of tolerance were numbered. I am not surprised by this bigotry. However, I am appalled that a minister of the gospel would reflect this intolerance in response to a parishioner.

As followers of Jesus, of the One who breathed in the Divine and breathed out love to all, we must strive to emulate Christ's actions. The Church must never--EVER--write off anyone. (Admittedly, it has and does too often.)

The Christian faith is about relating to all people in love. Our faith is about engaging--even those who act in reprehensible ways--in love and forgiveness. We are called to mirror the resurrection in our relationships. When this pastor focused on the arguably destructiveness of a few while ignoring the economic injustice that has brought people to the streets, Jesus was ignored.

Justice Seeking God,

Lay on our hearts the willingness to let go of things,
and be generous to those who need.

When we perceive sins in others,
cause us to question the context of the sin.

Help us to see where our participation in sinful systems of oppression,
are part of the problem.

Ignite in us a desire to engage,
to relate with,
and to see You in every human being.

Ignite in us the strength and will,
to be your loving arms and hands of justice,
even when it makes us uncomfortable,
even when it is easier to blame the victims.

AMEN

Where Are We Again?

2011-11-19T16:21:00.000-08:00

My wife offers the following reflection of her experience on the way home from work on #N17 Occupy the Banks. It is well worth the read.

RevMother: Where Are We Again?: I hadn't intended on doing it. I was tired - day four of a five-day week that was going to end in a 24 hour shift. I wanted to be home. I...

Children, Occupy, & the Church

2011-11-16T06:16:00.001-08:00

Children

My 50-something body aches and has sharp pains from spending more than 8-hours a day with two-year-olds. (I could list the aches in order of their annoyance value but then I'd sound like a crochety old man.) My body also aches because I didn't get enough rest over the weekend, spending time at Occupy Portland when I "should" have been resting.

But it is my heart that aches the most. My heart aches because of the emotional energy it takes to meet the needs of children whose families are undervalued. Children need my presence and compassion. I give what I can but I can only do so much. We have a systemic problem.

Because children in our country are themselves undervalued, the societal priority is not on children's needs but on keeping costs low. Parents can't afford to pay the true cost of quality child care, they can't afford to stay home, and so we end up with programs that hire under-qualified and under-resourced adults struggling to support their own families.

Occupy

The Occupy movement is about reforming the economic injustice that harms the children with whom I'm spending my days. It is about overturning the plutocracy that harms the vast majority of Americans (and people around the world). This is what the movement is referring to when we talk about the 99% and the 1%. The 1% represents the plutocracy, the wealthy who rule, and the 99% represents the rest of us who are struggling in various ways to get by financially.

I am tired because the disregard for the U.S. Constitution, for civility, and for citizen redress of grievances is discouraging. Heck, it's deeply troubling and it should disturb anyone who believes in our nation's professed values whether one agrees with the particular views of the movement.

The coordinated assault on Occupy camps across the country is an indication that plutocrats and governments (politicians) are perceiving a threat. My heart aches because it is not just the protesters but our children who are being violently abused by an unjust economic system that favors those at the top. Why else would our Congress be seriously turning back school lunch nutrition guidelines because, "the federal government shouldn't tell children what to eat"? (Huffington Post, Congresses Pushes Back on Healthier School Lunches)

The Church

Amos prophesied in the mid-eighth century. It was a time of security and prosperity--for some classes of people. A thriving commerce and trade created a context in which“an affluent society composed of a small, wealthy upper class [whose] vast accumulation led toa luxurious life style.” (2)

The prophet chastises the people for their hypocrisy. Worship had become about them. “The essence of Godʼs demand [in Amos]” is not on sacrifices, tithes, and offeringsbut in the “moral and ethical spheres of life.” (3)

So, it is today. Many churches busily talk about changing worship, making it more upbeat and relevant. That'll bring folks back, they say. But the church has lost its way if it focuses on worship at the expense of justice. Amos was not opposed to worship itself but contended that by using worship as the litmus forbeing right with God, it was impossible to be right with God. Worship is celebrated toalleviate the worshipers feelings, to meet their needs to feel pious. (4)

So, where is the church in this time of economic injustice, in this time of plutocratic abuses worldwide? In fairness, some of us are involved in justice but all of us need to be involved in God's justice and compassion or our worship is hollow.

In the eighth century Amos called the people of the northern kingdom out for their elaborate worship while they ignored the great issues that were important to God. The church today, sitting in aging buildings or in new state-of-the-art facilities, seems to deserve some of Amos' mocking sarcasm and threatened action:

Hear this word, you cows of Bashan
   who are on Mount Samaria,
who oppress the poor, who crush the needy,
   who say to their husbands, ‘Bring something to drink!’

Therefore, thus I will do to you, O Israel;
   because I will do this to you,
   prepare to meet your God, O Israel!

--Amos 4:1, 12 NRSV (Click here to read these verses in context.)

God of All,

Show us our failings,
as we worship without acting on your behalf.

Move us to get out of the pews,
that we might fight for justice for the oppressed.

Move us to give up our comforts,
that all might have what they need.

Envigorate us with your love,
that we might be your loving arms and hands of justice in the world for all.

Amen

Footnotes

(1) Marvin A. Sweeney, The Twelve Prophets (Collegeville, MN: Liturgical Press, 2000), 191-192.

(2) Shalom M. Paul, Amos: A Commentary On the Book of Amos, ed. Frank Moore Cross (Minneapolis:Fortress Press, 1991), 2.

(3) Shalom M. Paul, 139.

(4) Jörg Jeremias, The Book of Amos: A Commentary (Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 1998), 139.

Guest Post: A Letter to Mayor Sam Adams

2011-11-15T06:52:00.001-08:00

A colleague of mine in the Interfaith Guild of Chaplains (#ChaplainsOccupyPDX) wrote the following letter to Portland Mayor Sam Adams following the weekend eviction of Occupy Portland.

Dear Mayor Adams,

I write with a heavy heart this morning, as I reflect on the actions taken by the Portland police dept on Sunday in particular.

As a Pastor at a local church, The Bridge, serving as an Occupy Chaplain, I have had much time the last few weeks to observe and talk to not only the Occupiers, the homeless who found a home, but the police who patrolled the camp. In that time I have not seen anything but an honest attempt to try and make the best of an awkward situation. Saturday afternoon, as we cleaned up the Sacred Space area I was reminded by officers and by strangers on the street, that we all are part of the 99%.

Saturday night, I was nervous that some knucklehead itching for a fight would spark a riot. Instead, the knucklehead who did show up was quickly vomited from the crowd with chants that “we are nonviolent.” There was no riot. I am convinced in my heart that both sides in this standoff on Saturday wanted the same thing… peace.

Sunday is a different story, and I hope at some point soon you will explain to me and others in the city who are concerned with what we saw as unnecessary force on the part of the Portland police department. We all witnessed the “knucklehead” get exposed from the Occupy group Sat night, will the city now do the same for the “knucklehead” who prompted the pushing, shoving and arrests on Sunday that initiated from the side of the police?

Unlike other cities dealing with Occupy camps, you Mr. Mayor had done an incredible job of building trust and showing a willingness to work with a diverse group of people. I feel that trust has been broken, and it does cause me to grieve as it seems so unnecessary.

I would ask that those who were arrested Sunday, have those arrests revoked and their records to be expunged.

This is not an official statement of the Interfaith Guild of Chaplains or The Bridge.

Sincerely,
Donna Van Horn
Co-Pastor at The Bridge Christian Church of Portland

Abusive Paternalism

2011-11-14T07:18:00.001-08:00

I have been bothered by an exchange with Portland Mayor Sam Adams that I had via Twitter last week.

Following his announcement to evict Occupy Portland, I tweeted to him:

@MayorSamAdams says #OccupyPortland's 5 wks is "considerable time" to get message out. Sir, you don't undo economic injustice overnite.

He responded with:

Agreed but: bit.ly/rqVIIm RT @gravestim @MayorSamAdams says #OccupyPortland's 5 wks...you don't undo economic injustice overnite.

If you follow the link he supplies, you will find a public statement by Occupy Portland regarding its efforts to resolve the problem. The transparency of the movement is both its strength and something that the media and politicians use against it.

The problem with his response is paternalism. He implies that because there were problems in the camp -- problems that the camp was seeking to resolve -- he should put on his Father Knows Best persona and paternalistically solve the problem for the camp.

Paternalism is of the past. It is either/or thinking. It is win/lose thinking. Ultimately we will only solve the serious problems that face humanity by including everyone and seeking consensus. We need both/and solutions and thinking.

Yes, I know it is hard to believe that consensus can work. Yet, those of all labels share a common humanity and a common desire to care for our families. If you've attended or watched a General Assembly on livestream you may have witnessed conflicting ideas. You probably witnessed people with disparate ideas coming to a conclusion that 90% of the people feel good about. Consensus works and lasts BUT it takes time.

Sadly, Mayor Sam Adams refused to let the process work. Instead he donned a paternalistic persona that was less Father Knows Best with its compassionate, patient teaching and more a sneaky, abusive father. After patiently allowing the Occupiers to stay on site throughout Saturday night and into early Sunday morning, the Occupiers and police officers cleaned up the nearly vacant parks together. Then, as the General Assembly was meeting to decide what to do next, the Portland Police Bureau struck.

What would the General Assembly have decided had they had the time to work through their new reality without being attacked? I suppose we'll never know for sure but what we do know is that the impatience of the mayor and police resulted in violence. The abusive, paternalistic decisions of the mayor and Police Bureau led to the beating of the Occupy Portland's ASL Interpreter. Reports witnesses, "After his beating, he was hauled off by the clothing around his neck, where he gasped and plead [sic] for air until he passed out." (http://occupyportland.org/2011/11/14/missed/)

The time for paternalism is over. The time for both/and thinking that includes all the people is now. If we are to solve the problems of our world, we must all have a place at the table.

Hearing the Spirit; Making a Choice

2011-11-13T19:31:00.001-08:00

My lack of presence at Occupy Portland today should not be seen as a change of heart. I fully support this global movement for economic justice. Rather, my absence reflects my recognition that we each have a role to play. In co-creating a better world I am called to be with a particular group of 2-year-olds over the next several weeks. These children need consistency of adult presence; they need the gifts I have to offer. For me to be who I must be for them this week, I chose to give myself a sabbath today.

I feel a bit guilty for my lack of presence today in downtown Portland. That is undoubtedly why I feel compelled to publicly explain myself. Yet, in the words of my most trusted advisor, "As important as the work of the Occupy movement is, those children need all of you this week."

God of Spiritual Gifts,

Thank you for the gifts you provide. Give me the wisdom to use them wisely in the furtherance of loving justice. Help me each moment to discern where my gifts are most needed, trusting that you will lure others to fill the gaps I yearn to fill but do not.

Amen.

Failing Our Children: Underfunded Child Care & Poor Faith Formation

2011-11-08T07:45:00.000-08:00

The biggest problem I had was at their vulnerable moments. When the child was tired and unable to cope was one of these moments. When I was threatening the child's will, even if the child's will was to harm another, was another one of those moments. Yesterday was my first of many days with a particular group of two-year-old children over the next several weeks.

This particular group of children have been victimized by a system of child care in this country that underpays staff, that de-values the individual child's need for creativity, and that limits resources to programs that serve the children born to the "least of these." The result is children who are suspicious of the revolving door of underpaid adults who come through their classroom. Is it any wonder that I did not get their immediate trust? Is it any wonder that at a mere two years, I saw defense mechanisms galore among this small group of children?

Young children learn about the trustworthiness of God and the world we live in from the primary adults in their lives. This typically includes parents but also includes teachers, educarers, and extended family members. Because of the many hours that children spend in child care programs, teachers and educarers have an influence only secondary to parents.

Erik Erikson described the psychosocial challenge of the under-two as Trust vs. Mistrust. In relationships with parents, teachers, educarers, family members, or other important adults “babies form trust and loyalties or they come to mistrust their world and withdraw. When [children] feel loved and enjoyed, they come to trust themselves as worthy of being loved. This basic trust is the embryo of faith, which can come to maturity in a relationship with God.’’ (1)

As the baby begins to walk and becomes an active toddler, the child begins to move into Erikson’s Autonomy vs. Shame or Doubt. Children are looking for opportunities to practice independence while still needing adults to “provide judgment and consequences that keep them within . . . protective boundaries. In this structure, children find security. The children in the classroom I spent my day yesterday are moving from Trust vs. Mistrust to Autonomy vs. Shame or Doubt.

In Autonomy vs. Shame or Doubt, when children experience shame for what they have done, they need release. . . . Since young children see God as the ultimate parent, they expect God to set limits and to punish those who violate those limits. It is important for them to know that God also forgives [them].” (2)

Sadly, the children I am spending time with over the next several weeks have learned from the revolving door of underpaid teachers that adults are not very trustworthy. They come and they go. The children and adults do not have relationships. Without reliable relationships with adults, the prototypical relationship that will provide a model for relationship with God, is one of mistrust, unreliability, inconsistent expectations, and a lack of love. As too many of our children spend their days in financially undersupported child care settings, is it any wonder that we are also seeing more adults who do not have relationships with the Divine?

The good news for the children in this classroom, is that the head teacher, though new, is committed to staying for the long haul. She is skilled and genuinely cares about the children while providing appropriate behavioral boundaries. The leadership of the program is seeking an assistant teacher with the same qualities.

In the meantime, I will provide as many hours as I'm able substituting in this room, supporting the loving, healing, and consistent educare that the head teacher is providing.

Tim is a veteran early childhood educator and ordained Christian minister.

Footnotes

(1) Catherine Stonehouse, Joining Children on the Spiritual Journey (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 1998), Kindle Book edition, locator #1733-37.

(2) Stonehouse, locator #1833-36.

Decisions, Prayer, & Morning Showers

2011-11-01T08:31:00.001-07:00

I am faced with a decision.

At its core, this decision is about following God's call on my life or not following God's call. The framing of this in either/or terms should not imply that I fail to see the good in each path. Nor should my framing it this way, imply that the Divine will not continue to lure me and continue to offer ways that I can heed my call regardless of my choice. We continually co-create with God. My response will influence God's next move. Together we will create the form of my journey. God does not know what I will choose. That is the nature of free will.

Enough of that theological mumbo jumbo...

One of the paths offers many things valued by our culture: financial security, routine. This path is limiting on my time and may restrict my ability to follow the Spirit as I move toward this new thing God is using me to create. The other offers the flexibility to be open, it offers the opportunity for me to trust that God will provide what I need when I need it. In other words, there is no fiscal security and no routine. There is only trust in God.

So, you can see the challenge for me. So, I did what any clergyperson should do, I asked for prayers on Facebook. I also spoke to my wife and my son seeking their insight. And I prayed myself. Truth be told a few hours after I asked for prayers on Facebook, I was getting a pretty strong message about the better choice. Still, I wasn't convinced. Sometimes I want a dramatic sign. Frankly, I don't know why God doesn't just send me an email.

A Revelatory Baptism in the Shower

As I was showering this morning, my mind wandered to scripture, or perhaps it was gently nudged to scripture by the Spirit. The scripture that came to mind was Exodus 16, the story in which the Israelites whine to Aaron and Moses that they are hungry. They whine that they should've never left Egypt and blame their leaders. Moses reminds them that they are really whining to God. God responds by providing them with manna. The manna comes with specific instructions: "each day the people shall go out and gather enough for that day" (Exodus 16:4b NRSV). Those who gathered more than a day's worth found their leftover manna rotting and infested with worms.

In response to my revelation in the shower, I read my Bible, burned incense, listened to music, meditated, and prayed.

The message is clear. The path on which I am called is the riskier one. It is the one deemed foolish by American cultural standards. The path that beckons me is the one that provides enough for today but leaves me dependent again tomorrow. The path I choose to take is the one that scares me the most and is hardest to take. Yet, I know God will provide manna. Jesus will walk with me. The Spirit will dance up ahead pointing out the things I should see.

Creator God of Risk Taking,

Why do I resist you? Why do I give my culture more power than you? Why is it so hard for me to trust you? For today, help me to hear, heed, and celebrate the journey you desire for me.

Amen

Where is Jesus?

2011-10-31T08:49:00.001-07:00

The homeless & mentally ill live within their midst cared for with love and respect. Enough food & shelter for all. Taking the time for messy decisionmaking. Conflict resolution that mirrors the gospel. Come as you are attire. Sharing of possessions. Support of one another at times of disagreement. Community (koinonia?) in action. Yes, the Spirit moves within and through #OccupyPortland.

Empty pews. Money for roofs and new carpets first. Leftovers for justice and the poor. Tentative greetings of strangers. Strange looks at the poor, homeless, & mentally ill who dare to cross the threshold. "Here's some money! Run along now we're praying for you." Power in the hands of a few. The bright future offered by Jesus rejected because "my great-great-grandma built this church." #TheChurch

Which image is more true to the Good News preached by Jesus Christ?

Related Post
Occupy Portland: Take One or Two Along With You

Wisdom for Today from Dr. King

2011-10-27T00:23:00.001-07:00

Just as the prophets of the eighth century B.C. left their villages and carried their "thus saith the Lord" far beyond the boundaries of their home towns, and just as the Apostle Paul left his village of Tarsus and carried the gospel of Jesus Christ to the far corners of the Greco Roman world, so am I compelled to carry the gospel of freedom beyond my own home town. Like Paul, I must constantly respond to the Macedonian call for aid....

You deplore the demonstrations taking place in Birmingham. But your statement, I am sorry to say, fails to express a similar concern for the conditions that brought about the demonstrations. I am sure that none of you would want to rest content with the superficial kind of social analysis that deals merely with effects and does not grapple with underlying causes. It is unfortunate that demonstrations are taking place in Birmingham, but it is even more unfortunate that the city's white power structure left the Negro community with no alternative...

You may well ask: "Why direct action? Why sit ins, marches and so forth? Isn't negotiation a better path?" You are quite right in calling for negotiation. Indeed, this is the very purpose of direct action. Nonviolent direct action seeks to create such a crisis and foster such a tension that a community which has constantly refused to negotiate is forced to confront the issue. It seeks so to dramatize the issue that it can no longer be ignored. My citing the creation of tension as part of the work of the nonviolent resister may sound rather shocking. But I must confess that I am not afraid of the word "tension." I have earnestly opposed violent tension, but there is a type of constructive, nonviolent tension which is necessary for growth. Just as Socrates felt that it was necessary to create a tension in the mind so that individuals could rise from the bondage of myths and half truths to the unfettered realm of creative analysis and objective appraisal, so must we see the need for nonviolent gadflies to create the kind of tension in society that will help men rise from the dark depths of prejudice and racism to the majestic heights of understanding and brotherhood. The purpose of our direct action program is to create a situation so crisis packed that it will inevitably open the door to negotiation. I therefore concur with you in your call for negotiation....

We know through painful experience that freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed....

Of course, there is nothing new about this kind of civil disobedience. It was evidenced sublimely in the refusal of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego to obey the laws of Nebuchadnezzar, on the ground that a higher moral law was at stake. It was practiced superbly by the early Christians, who were willing to face hungry lions and the excruciating pain of chopping blocks rather than submit to certain unjust laws of the Roman Empire. To a degree, academic freedom is a reality today because Socrates practiced civil disobedience. In our own nation, the Boston Tea Party represented a massive act of civil disobedience.

We should never forget that everything Adolf Hitler did in Germany was "legal" and everything the Hungarian freedom fighters did in Hungary was "illegal." It was "illegal" to aid and comfort a Jew in Hitler's Germany. Even so, I am sure that, had I lived in Germany at the time, I would have aided and comforted my Jewish brothers. If today I lived in a Communist country where certain principles dear to the Christian faith are suppressed, I would openly advocate disobeying that country's antireligious laws....

I have heard numerous southern religious leaders admonish their worshipers to comply with a desegregation decision because it is the law, but I have longed to hear white ministers declare: "Follow this decree because integration is morally right and because the Negro is your brother." In the midst of blatant injustices inflicted upon the Negro, I have watched white churchmen stand on the sideline and mouth pious irrelevancies and sanctimonious trivialities. In the midst of a mighty struggle to rid our nation of racial and economic injustice, I have heard many ministers say: "Those are social issues, with which the gospel has no real concern." And I have watched many churches commit themselves to a completely other worldly religion which makes a strange, un-Biblical distinction between body and soul, between the sacred and the secular....

One day the South will know that when these disinherited children of God sat down at lunch counters, they were in reality standing up for what is best in the American dream and for the most sacred values in our Judaeo Christian heritage, thereby bringing our nation back to those great wells of democracy which were dug deep by the founding fathers in their formulation of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence....

---Martin Luther King, Jr. writing from the Birmingham Jail, April 1963

As a minister of the gospel of Jesus Christ, I am compelled to stand with the oppressed. That, my friends, is why I stand with the Occupy movement.

Step 1: Coexist?

2011-10-26T22:13:00.002-07:00

I received several comments--both here and on Facebook--about my post yesterday. I wrote that the Coexist bumper sticker makes me bristle a bit. I muddied my main point by introducing a side note that distracted. For that reason, I offer this clarification.

My core problem with the message that various religions, faiths, or spiritual groups should coexist, is that coexisting is not enough. We need to be actively engaged together where we have commonalities. For example, most religions or belief systems have a variation on what Christians commonly call the Golden Rule: In everything do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets (Matthew 7:12 NRSV). The Muslim holy text is similar, Not one of you is a believer until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself (Fortieth Hadith of an-Nawawi, 13). The Buddhist writing, Udana-Varga, 5:18, also has a variation, "Hurt not others in ways you yourself would find hurtful." Baha'i, Confucianism, Hinduism, Jainism, Judaism, Native American spirituality, Sikhism, Taoism, and Zoroastrianism each have variations in important writings. What would it be like if we worked side by side with our interfaith kindred in bettering the world which we all share?

Perhaps as one commenter suggested simply coexisting may be an improvement on the current state of affairs. She probably is right. Coexistence is a good first step and may be the place to start. I have a bigger hope, however. I believe our interconnectedness makes it possible for us to be actively engaged together in making the world we share a better place.

Coexist?

2011-10-25T10:05:00.001-07:00

You've undoubtedly seen them. The bumper stickers with one word: coexist. That word is made up of the symbols of various faith groups. Well, I bristle whenever I see one of them. Yes, the sticker bothers me.

For those who don't know me, you may think you know why I don't like it. It's unlikely you do.

I'm not an exclusivist. I do not accept the interpretation of John 14: 6 that insists there is only one path to the Divine. After all, the author of John was writing to people in a specific time, culture, and place far removed from the twenty-first century. My experience of the Divine is of one loving energy/power/entity that is in relationship with all of humankind. The Divine is within and between all of us. We each interpret our experiences of this energy/power/entity within our own experiences and that of our communities.

So what is my problem?

It's not that I don't empathize with what the sticker says to so many people. Of course people are fed up with the sins of the church and other religions. As humanity we do indeed seem to be able to find ways to mess up.

My problem is simple. Human beings are entwined in a tapestry of relationality that precludes coexistence. We couldn't coexist if we tried. Coexistence implies that we do not influence one another. It implies that what I do has no bearing on my Muslim, Hindu, or atheist neighbor. Of course, it does. Everything any one of us does influences in subtle or not-so-subtle ways every other living creature on this planet.

I've dabbled with "collaborate" as a better word for a bumper sticker. There are advantages to this word but it probably doesn't quite capture the essence that begs capture. I've played with other words and phrases, too: shalom, interact, be one, and relate. Even "love" has connotations that not everyone would understand on a bumper sticker.

Maybe I will one day come up with the perfect bumper sticker word. In the meantime, I will continue my journey of striving to love my nearby and far-a-way neighbors. I will try to remember that who I am influences them and that who they are influences me. We are one, we just don't act like it much of the time.

The Divine Presence

2011-10-24T07:38:00.000-07:00

I felt them before I saw them. It was a wave of peacefulness, a sense of calm and well-being, or maybe it was loving energy, the Divine presence. Whatever, it is called, it was that presence that I felt. They were clustered around the obelisk, a memorial in Lownsdale Square to war veterans. A group of ten to fifteen were sitting at the base of the monument meditating. Their faces reflected what I had first felt. I basked in their presence. I basked in the presence of what I call the Divine. I basked in the presence of what I call the Holy Spirit. I basked in the presence of our interconnectedness as human beings and Creation. I basked in the Divine flowing within, between, and out from the meditators. I was changed and the world was changed by this simple act.

"As our own peace of mind grows, so the atmosphere
around us becomes more peaceful." Dalai Lama

Occupy Portland: "Take one or two others along with you."

2011-10-22T21:49:00.000-07:00

I confess I have trouble with the "Jesus was a socialist" claims. Likewise, I am disturbed by those who conflate capitalism with democracy and Jesus. Jesus' times had no sense of democracy or socialism. When we make these claims, and others like them we're creating Jesus in our own images. We are manipulating the faith for our own purposes.

Still, there are indeed things that we can glean about Jesus from the biblical texts. This is best done in conversation with the New Testament and the Hebrew Bible, what Christians typically call the Old Testament and the culture of the time. The most significant core part of Jesus' teachings is about having loving compassion for others and a sense of hospitality, of welcoming the outsider. In the literal words of the text, Jesus makes it clear that God's people are to show their love for God by caring for the "least of these" (Matthew 25).

Jesus, and to an even greater extent, the Acts of the Apostles and the letters attributed to Paul, advocate a communal living. A sense of community and hospitality was not new in Jesus' time. It is a theme found throughout the Hebrew Bible. In fact, the punishment meted out at Sodom and Gommorrah was due to the failure of that community to be hospitable to the stranger.

Jesus' Teachings Reflected in Occupy Portland Document

I was reminded of Jesus' teachings about dealing with conflict within community by the, "Collective Agreement on Community Safety and Well-Being" developed by Occupy Portland. This ostensibly secular occupation in solidarity with Occupy Wall Street in New York, is a living community that seeks to welcome all people. (See my previous post about some members who draw too great a separation with "the 1%.) In the Gospel of Matthew Jesus is quoted as saying,

“If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. 16 But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector." Matthew 18: 15-17 NRSV

Compare this biblical passage to the Steps for Dealing with Threats to Safety and Well-Being developed to address conflict within the community by the Occupy Portland General Assembly earlier this week. Notice that the individual is "empowered to tell the person to kindly stop the behavior" (compare to "point out the fault when the two of you are alone" in the Christian gospel.) A little further in the document the Occupy Portland General Assembly addresses actions to take if the person with whom the individual has conflict does not respond: "If you approach the person and the threat continues, ask for community support (2-3 others, not a mob) in re-approaching the person posing the threat." Again, compare this to the Gospel, "if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you."

If the individual brings other community members along to assist in reconciliation and the person still does not act in good faith, the Occupy community agreed that the person will be barred from the camp. This, too, is similar to the gospel in which Jesus is reported to have said "let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector." In essence the gospel means that the person is to be treated as an outsider to the community.

Much to Learn from Portland's Occupy Community

I am convinced that the Divine, by whatever name we refer to it, is moving in our era. I share this view, this intuitive sense, with many others. It is reflected in multiple writings within the Christian community (e.g.; see the writings of Phyllis Tickle) as well as in other spiritual traditions. The similarity between how Occupy Portland has agreed to deal with conflict and the teachings of Jesus is one place where I see the Spirit moving. (Spirit is the term I use for the Divine luring and movement within and between people.)

In what has been called a "post-Christian" city, a community has formed in protest of the dominant culture's economics. This secular protest has developed a nurturing, non-violent method of dealing with conflict which is similar to the teachings of Jesus. Admittedly, Occupy Portland may be subtly influenced by Judeo-Christian cultural values as is all of western culture. Yet, unlike too many churches which have embraced the non-Christian values of rugged individualism, Occupy Portland is reflecting Judeo-Christian values in its method of dealing with conflict. Unlike too many churches which have rejected inclusive community, the caring for the "least of these," and communal living, Occupy Portland has inadvertently "developed" a process for dealing with community conflict that mirrors Jesus' teachings in the Gospel of Matthew.

Indeed, the Spirit is afoot. The Divine is once again changing the world in surprising places.

The 99%: Responding to "Get a Job" Hecklers

2011-10-16T10:03:00.000-07:00

My brother is an active participant in the Occupy St. Louis protest. Here is his response to those who shout out to him to get a job. He occupies in his free time and leaves to work his job. He is the 99%.

I am really getting tired of people telling me to “get a job”. I have one thank you. The statement “get a job” is a rather silly statement to make. It is really the point we are making.

There are over 12 million unemployed people in this country. Many people lost their jobs because corporations decided that it would be more profitable to ship jobs overseas where they can pay pennies on the dollar for labor. I lost my job, which I had for over 21 years because of corporate greed, they laid off over 800 people here in St. Louis. Over a period of about 3 years they laid off thousands from my company, taking 6 divisions down to 1.

I was unemployed for over 2 and a half years. I lost my retirement account, I lost my profit sharing account, I lost my house. I went bankrupt and lost my good credit rating. I am one of the lucky ones because I didn’t end up living on the streets.

I have a job now. I throw newspapers for a living. I have 2 Post Dispatch routes and a Suburban Journal route. I drive 20 year old cars about 50,000 miles a year. I make maybe one third of what I used to, and work much harder for it.

So, when someone passes by, very angry and yells “get a job” I smile and say “I have one thank you”. But what I am really thinking is “get a clue.”

Learning to Share

2011-10-14T10:12:00.000-07:00

There is an image, images really, that has been going around Facebook and Google+ during the last week. The top image is of protesters from Occupy Wall Street and the bottom image is of emaciated, starving children reaching for food. In the image are the words, "In America, you are the 99% but to the rest of the world you are still the 1%." The caption below the images reads, "When you win your battle, remember the war is not over yet."

I was reminded of this image this morning as I sought to start the coin-operated dryer in my building. It didn't start. I pulled my smartphone out of my pocket, called the service number, and took my wet clothes out of the dryer. I got into my not-very-old car and drove three-quarters of a mile to the laundromat. Aggravating? Annoying? For sure.

I am wealthy by world standards. I use more than my share of resources. If you're American, you likely do, too.

We are a wealthy nation. We are only 5% of the world population using far beyond our share of global resources. For example, the United States "uses about a quarter of the world’s fossil fuel resources." (1) Despite my efforts at downsizing, I never worry about my next meal (2). Despite the growing inequity between the American 99% and the 1%, that needs to be addressed, my problem this morning was miniscule.

Abundant Creator God,

Thank you for the gift of a world of abundant resources. May I be more generous and less selfish. Help me focus more on gathering only what I need today and leave the rest for others. Help me to share the abundance that you provide so that all of your people will have enough, wherever they live on this planet.

Amen.

(1) Worldwatch Institute, The State of Consumption. http://www.worldwatch.org/node/810

(2) See my previous posts on "Emptying Barns"

We are the 100%!

2011-10-13T10:34:00.001-07:00

We are the 99%! This catchy and effective mantra of the Occupy Wall Street movement is helping protesters to point out the shameful disparity in power and income in our country. I fully support and stand with the protesters. The growing gap between the haves and have nots is troubling and has infected our political system and governance. In short, money talks. Money buys power. Money and power isolate the 1% from the 99%.

I have no doubt that Jesus would stand with the disenfranchised, the poor, the marginalized. (See especially Matthew 25: 31-46 but also read the full breadth of Jesus' teachings.) He stood with the 99% over two-thousand years ago. A core tenet of faith for followers of Jesus is care for all but particularly for the "least of these." Liberation theologians, with whom I have much affinity, believe that Jesus professed a "preferential option" for the poor and oppressed peoples of the world.

My concern is that a small minority of the rhetoric of the Occupiers demonizes the 1%. As a follower of Jesus, the One who fully took in the breath of God and responded lovingly to God's luring, I believe that both the 99% and the 1% possess the Divine within them. When we demonize the 1% or the 99% or any individual or group, we have failed to respond to God's will. When we demonize others, we imply that they are less than human.

When we demonize the 1% we undercut the implicit claim of the Occupy Wall Street movement: all people are worthy of the abundance of the Earth's resources.

Human beings are social, communal creatures. As such, we instinctively know that we need one another. The infant reaches out to the parent for nourishment and protection and receives it. "Is there anyone among you who . . . if the child asks for an egg, will give a scorpion?" (Luke 11: 11a, 13b NRSV See in context.)

We are the 100%. Those who use their power and money for their own gains at the expense of the whole should and are being called out for their excesses, just as I am calling out the minority among the Occupiers who demonize the 1%. The well-being of each individual and of the whole of humanity is harmed by current global economics. We are all interconnected whether we like it or not.

When the Occupiers call for a more equitable economic system, for a voice in the political system, for a level playing field, they are calling for something that is good not just for the 99% but for the 100%.

We are the 100%, each of us created in the image of an abundantly loving God who has provided enough for all of us. Our job is to share.

Now the whole group of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one claimed private ownership of any possessions, but everything they owned was held in common. With great power the apostles gave their testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great grace was upon them all. There was not a needy person among them, for as many as owned lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold. (Acts 4: 32-34 NRSV See in context.)

Dear Spirit: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

2011-10-12T10:18:00.000-07:00

Standing at the Deli the other day, Should I Stay or Should I Go? began playing. Spontaneously, I said, "I love that song!" In a moment, my current struggle was revealed. Freud would be so proud.

You see, I am torn between being a part of our crumbling institutions or leaving them entirely. "If I go there will be trouble, if I stay there will be double," sing The Clash in this song. I don't see a clear path. I'm wandering in the wilderness. Throughout my five decade life I've often felt that I am just a bit out of sync with the world around me. I can look the part: I have short hair, own a suit, a white shirt, and boring ties, and I can even talk "white guy" language. Yet I am never happy in those situations. I never feel I'm my authentic self, or on my true life path, and rarely feel I'm following God's will in those situations.The pull of the culture is strong. The pull of the "you must fit in to be worthy" messages dominate our culture.

And, so, I've spent much of my time dancing on the border between the ways of the world and outside the world. I've been wandering in the demilitarized zone between North and South Korea, in the neutral zone between the Romulans and the Federation, and the space between Egypt and the promised land. In the last month this dance has become less satisfying. Our culture is changing. We are moving into postmodernity whether folks like it or not. I yearn to live in postmodernity while many fear it.

So, today my prayer is from The Clash:

Darling you gotta let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
If you say that you are mine
Ill be here til the end of time
So you got to let know
Should I stay or should I go?

Always tease tease tease
Siempre - coqetiando y enganyando
Youre happy when Im on my knees
Me arrodilla y estas feliz
One day is fine, next is black
Un dias bien el otro negro
So if you want me off your back
Al rededar en tu espalda
Well come on and let me know
Me tienes que desir
Should I stay or should I go?
Me debo ir o que darme

Should I stay or should I go now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go there will be trouble
An if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know

(full lyrics available at http://www.theclash.com/lyrics/?search=Should%20I%20stay%20or%20should%20I%20go)

Maximal Abundance

2011-10-07T07:27:00.000-07:00

In this video clip of an interview of pundit Naomi Klein, listen for the theology. She is being questioned about the Occupy Wall Street protests broadly. The specific question is about the interactions between those who work on Wall Street and the protesters.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Notice how she talks about the abundance of God's world? We live in a world created by a God who loves extravagantly, who loves all of us (the 99% and the 1%), and whose creation has enough for every single one of us to live comfortably. God has provided maximal abundance. Who is to blame for hunger in the world? We have an obligation to share what has been given to us, with all of God's people.

Watch the entire clip here:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Being

2011-10-04T18:31:00.000-07:00

I wonder how the Israelites felt when they finally arrived in the promised land. I wonder if they felt a sense of let down, perhaps a post-partum depression as they were born into the new land they'd awaited for decades. Perhaps, they realized that the journey wasn't over and immediately turned to doing things their way. Perhaps, they were shocked to realize that life went on. Perhaps, they felt more lost in the promised land than they did in the wilderness.

We've been in Portland for just over four weeks. I've had a mixture of feelings: joy, contentment, anxiety, confusion, and fear. In July of 2010, I had a "Holy Spirit moment" during communion at a church in San Diego. For those who don't speak Christianese, by "Holy Spirit moment" I mean a sense of clarity and connectedness to something beyond myself. In this moment I discerned a call to new church ministry here in Portland.

Following this clarifying Holy Spirit experience I worked through the official denominational discernment materials. I prayed and meditated. I took a spiritual gifts inventory. I talked to others who knew me. All of these experiences with others and materials prepared by others confirmed that I wasn't crazy. (You may freely disagree. I agree hearing "voices" is a bit crazy.)

I've spent fourteen-months preparing to arrive and begin work in Portland toward starting something new. Most of the time, during this preparing to arrive, I have been tuned into the Spirit's guiding. This included divesting ourselves of enough possessions that we have moved from a three-bedroom house to a studio apartment here in Portland. This included becoming a part of the healing community known as the Island Christian Church in Wheeling, West Virginia, followed by serving a small, rural church in Pennsylvania for six weeks.

During the wilderness months of preparation, it became clearer and clearer to me that Embracing (the name I've dubbed whatever it is I'm here to do) is not a new church or even a church in the sense that anyone typically thinks of church. So, while I'm here to be a part of co-creating a new something, to be a part of co-creating Embracing, it is not really church in the ways we've thought of it. Or perhaps, it is. You see I don't know.

Screen shot of http://www.EmbracingPDX.org, a work
in process inviting others to be a part of radically
reimagining how to follow Jesus.

The result of my prayer, reflecting, reading, and interacting is that I describe this new church, this new something, as radically re-imagining how to follow Jesus. And I'm impatient. I want to know what I'm supposed to do. Isn't do what we do best? I've done work. I've done school. I've done church. I've done and I'm done.

The Spirit is reminding me that I have things to learn and experience before the next moment of clarity. If you've read any of my previous blog posts, you may recall I'm on a need to know basis with God and often God doesn't think I need to know. God knows I want to know it all now.

Still, I wait. I feel guilty because I'm not creating. I'm just, dare I say it?, learning to be. I'm subbing at two early childhood programs that emphasize being with children rather than controlling children. So, just as I desire to allow children the opportunity to be and respond to where curiosity and the Spirit lures them, I am learning to allow myself the chance to be.

This is counter-cultural for sure. But wasn't the One who breathed in and breathed out the Divine, the One who fully followed the luring of God, counter-cultural? Wasn't Jesus counter-cultural? In a time when doing is the way of the land being is counter-cultural. An attitude of being present in each moment is the only way I know of hearing the Spirit.

So, I am struggling to embrace being as I go about getting to know my neighbors. As I seek to see the Divine in the beggar to whom I give a dollar on my morning walk, I am being. As I listen to the challenges of those around me, sometimes clandestinely, I am being. As I allow the Divine to work through me rather than programming, planning, controlling, doctrinizing, dogmatizing, and bureaucratizing God, I am being. Am I not also trusting the Spirit to guide and lure?

My fears of not being up to the task creating Embracing, come when I think this is my single-handed responsibility. It is true I am not up to the task. If I listen, however, if I follow the still, silent voice, Embracing, whatever it turns out to be, will come to fruition. I wonder what God has in mind?

God & the Belly Dancers

2011-09-18T21:13:00.000-07:00

His bright neon yellow t-shirt burst through the greyness of the day. As he stood on a milk crate with his portable microphone on his ear he preached to the passing crowds. He preached hell and damnation. He preached salvation if passersby just "took Jesus into their hearts." The crowds roundly ignored him.

This was the only noticeable Christian presence at Saturday Market in Portland. Personally, I felt embarrassed for Christianity.

Portland's Saturday Market, September 19, 2011.
Photo by Maggie Sebastian

The man preached. No one listened. So, he preached some more. The crowds ignored him. So, he preached some more. While the nearby belly dancers exuded joy, he exuded fear and panic. While the plastic barrel drummer reached out in relationship to individuals in the crowd, the man in the neon yellow preached at the passersby as if they were so many objects. While artwork at many booths manifest deep relationship with the Divine, with the Spirit, with the interconnectedness of humanity, the preacher stood on the margins preaching a tired old song.

I suspect God felt the determination of this would be evangelist. I also suspect God, also feeling the pain of those in the crowd who were hurting, shook God's head in disbelief and sadness. The disconnect between the God of extravagant and abundant love and this street evangelist's message was wide. The joy of belly dancers reveling in their imperfect God-created bodies in joyful movement reflected the nature of the Divine more than the street evangelist. Sadly, the neon yellow shirted evangelist is missing out on what it really means to be in tune with God. God is not about fear. God is not about talking at people. God is about love. God is about relationships. God is about joy in the creation that we are; the joy that bursts forth from us and cannot be contained.

Where did I see God at Saturday market? I saw God in the wares of those offering their artistry to others, just as the One created and creates. I saw a glimmer of the Divine in the drummer as he reached out individually to those listening, just as God reaches out to each one of us. I saw Divine joyfulness in the comeraderie and joy of belly dancers.

Then the prophet Miriam, Aaron’s sister, took a tambourine in her hand; and all the women went out after her with tambourines and with dancing. Exodus 15: 20 NRSV

Whining for Manna

2011-09-14T09:57:00.000-07:00

Then the Lord said to Moses, ‘I am going to rain bread from heaven for you, and each day the people shall go out and gather enough for that day. In that way I will test them, whether they will follow my instruction or not. Exodus 16: 4 NRSV

We arrived in Portland ten days ago today.

This is the geographic destination upon which my sights have been set for a full 15-months. More accurately, this is the geographic destination upon which God set my sights on that hot summer day in San Diego. As the people of God gathered around the Lord's Table, the Holy Spirit laid the vision of a new church upon me. The vision was incomplete but the geographic location was clear. As time transpired I have been privy to a more complete vision. The onion slowly peeled.A piece of the picture revealed to me a piece at a time. The vision is still incomplete. (Read Onion Peels on the Treadmill for a further elaboration of the onion peel metaphor.)

Responding to that vision provided by the Spirit, I jumped in with both feet. I texted with my wife who was back in West Virginia. We chose to embrace the journey God had set before us by text! It is a journey we could have refused. For God has given each of us free will, only lures and nudges us toward that most loving response. We don't have to choose any path we don't want to choose.

So, began our 15-month journey to this geographic location. Our journey so far has included many things: letting go of possessions (moving from a 3-bedroom house to a studio apartment), letting go of preconceptions (thinking security came from our own plans), and abundant doubts even as we jumped in with both feet. I have also repeatedly forgotten that God reveals peel by peel my ministry. I am in one of those times.

Since arriving in Portland ten days ago I have felt that I was not doing something fast enough. I have a strong Puritan work ethic that ties worth to doing and accomplishing. Setting goals, implementation strategies, and outcomes assessment are not foreign to me. I'm an educator. At this juncture on the journey they have not been of the Spirit. (Though, I must also remember that they may be at some point.) The culmination of my work ethic, my insecurities, my doubts, and my lack of trust in God have manifest in the words, "I've made a terrible mistake!"

But have I?

I have followed the Spirit's lure to Portland. I have been prayerful during the last 15-months (most of the time) and adapted to what have felt like twists and turns. Why do I think God would bring me this far just to abandon me? Reflecting on this, I am reminded of the Israelites wandering the wilderness. God hearing the cries of the Israelites, leads them out of Egypt. Once safe from the Egyptians, the Israelites wander the desert before arriving in the promised land. One of my favorite sections of the Hebrew Bible is in Exodus where, having been rescued the people began whining to Moses with their revisionist memories. In their hunger, they believe they didn't want to leave Egypt. They would have been better off to have died in Egypt, they tell Moses.

God hears their cries and provides manna to satiate their appetites. The instructions are to only gather enough for the day. To only gather enough for the one day reflects a trust that God will not abandon them. God will listen to their cries tomorrow. God will peel away another layer of the onion when it is needed.

How hard this trusting in God is! How hard this listening and embracing the Spirit is! I want to sit down and write goals, objectives, strategies, and assessment outcomes but it is time to be. To listen, wait, meditate, and pray. I have enough manna for today. I have enough abundance for today and yet I yearn for tomorrow's harvest.

God of the Peeling Onion,

You have always revealed, lured, and guided me in the past,
And I doubt.

Why do I doubt?
Why do I think I know better than you who are love manifest?
Why do I think your way, is the wrong path?
Why do I doubt that the One who knows every one of us and the spaces in-between,
is less aware of the "right" thing than I?

Help me to trust that you are with me.
Remind me that there is much to learn in this moment.
Remind me that being in this moment is an integral part of the journey.
Remind me that who I am called to be is a necessary ingredient for the place you call me.
Remind me to let go and be,
for like all of creation I am your creation.

Amen.

Today's My Baby's Birthday: Send Her a Greeting

2011-09-08T09:13:00.000-07:00

All my daughter wants for her birthday is season tickets to the Timbers. You can help by voting for #783 in the Timbers Season Ticket Contest at https://www.facebook.com/portlandtimbers?sk=app_245968565436145 They were #3 as of last night.

So, help me show her some love. Make my baby girl #1 on her birthday. Vote #738!

Journey to a New Home Day 7: Arrival

2011-09-05T09:56:00.003-07:00

On the Seventh Day...

No, we didn't rest. We left La Grande, Oregon leisurely, though, and drove along the Columbia River to Portland. By the time we arrived at our new home -- what I've christened #TheStudio -- my trip odometer read 2,703 miles.

What fits in two cars, fits in one studio apartment

I confess the apartment looked smaller than I had remembered. Yet, as we quickly emptied the two cars (with the help of Frances) it became clear to me that the quantity and the space matched perfectly. We have downsized. The efficiency-size of #TheStudio will keep us honest in our endeavor to be true to our goal. It will require efficient use of space and will not allow for re-engaging with America's favorite pastime, consuming. I suspect our human frailties will need this cap as the cloud of impending move has dissipated.

I look at our new home and feel peace, and a need to organize, but peace nonetheless. This is a nice little space. Yes, it will be an adjustment for the two of us. We will need to learn how to function when we're on separate sleep schedules. We will need to learn how to allow one another physical and emotional space. We will need to learn how to live with less not just work at divesting ourselves. We still have far more than two people need.

Journey to a New Home Day 6: The Beginning in Sight

2011-09-04T08:01:00.001-07:00

Yesterday.

Driving northwesterly as we crossed the state line, the landscape changed within a few miles. We drove upwards, passing signs pointing out "chain up areas" and indicating "snow zones." Though we encountered no snow on this second day of September, we could see snow caps in the distance.

As we navigated tight turns tears formed, my gut wanted to sob in relief. The tears, gifts of the Holy Spirit, came upon me. After over a year of preparation, after naysayers who are skeptical of "Holy Spirit moments" that change lives, and after over 2300 miles we were nearing our destination. (It would be one more day before we make it to our destination.)

The joy, the anxiety, and, yes, the fears subsided, at least for a time, in a sense of calm peace. This was the same calm I have felt each time I have visited Portland during the last 14-months. It is the calming touch of the divine. The calm that says, this is where you are called. Stopping at the first rest area, I slipped off my flip flops and dug my toes into the sod. I felt the Ground with my bare feet and prayed, seeking to open myself to the One.

Nope, I don't get it either. I'm not sure what it will look like. I just keep following as the Spirit simultaneously walks with me and dances ahead of me luring me onward.

Trustworthy and Ever-Creating One,

Thank you for the gift of hope.
Thank you for molding me to your purposes.

Help me to continue to trust you when,
roadblocks, naysayers, and challenges seem insurmountable.
Help me to be flexible and pliable as you give me glimpses,
of where this leads and,
of your unfolding Realm.

Amen.

Location:E Penn Ave,La Grande,United States

Journey to a New Home Day 5: Out of Control

2011-09-03T05:40:00.001-07:00

I'm constantly amazed out how my need for control creeps up on me. I'm also disappointed by my obliviousness to its creeping that allows it to manifest in crankiness. But my disappointment in myself is also a sign of wanting to be in control, isn't it?

Yesterday was a long day. It was long because we've spent four of the last five days driving an average of 500 miles. It was long because i didn't really want to leave family behind in Colorado. It was long because Wyoming is long. Mostly, it was long because I feel anxiety...the anxiety of being out of control, of worrying about something beyond the present, of mistakenly thinking I should be, could be, and would be best served if I were in charge of my journey.

But this journey of faith, of letting go of stuff (search the label Emptying Barns for more on this), of letting go of my comfort zone and responding to the Holy Spirit by moving 2700 miles to form a community of followers of Jesus, well, it is scary at times. It is scary in that I'm not in control. Somehow, each time I think I'm letting go well, I am reminded of my human desire to be in charge.

And some mild or more severe form of misery inevitably follows: anger, irritability, or hurting others.

God of Forgiveness, Grace, and Mercy:

I let go to you,
Only to take back.

I follow your lure,
Only to ignore your next nudge, distancing myself from loving others.

Forgive me.

Open my spirit to the Holy Spirit,
That I might be the loving person you created me to be.

Amen.

Location:W 2100 S,Ogden,United States

Journey to a New Home Day 4: Family Convergence

2011-09-02T21:54:00.001-07:00

We gathered in Louisville, just outside of Boulder, Colorado. We were Sebastians, Graves, and Shys. We came from all over: New York City. Chicagoland, San Francisco. Missouri. Oregon. We came through all over: West Virginia, Saudi Arabia, Alabama, upstate New York. Some of us had never met before. Some of us last saw one another at a funeral ten years ago. We all hugged our greetings. We all ate together enjoying the hospitality of one. Some stayed the whole evening. Some arrived late and briefly. All are connecting now as one family because of the love of two.

We joyfully talked about the future, sharing what has not yet come to pass. We embraced the coming unity of parts into a whole, a couple newly formed, and families just getting to know one another. We processed generational family history and tentatively applied it to the present as explanation. We tried it on to see if it might help us relate to those not present, to understand one another and ourselves. We shared pieces of an identity puzzle, an identity formed by the past and forming our future selves.

Yearning for more, we planned future gatherings. Reluctantly, we said goodbye, hugged, and parted.

Location:E South Boulder Rd,Louisville,United States

Journey to a New Home Day 3: Perseverance

2011-09-01T08:37:00.002-07:00

Yesterday morning we got off the interstate in pursuit of Castle Rocks, a geological formation that looks like a castle. This formation was caused by water and the winds of the plains.

The signage for finding these rocks in the middle of cornfields is minimal. I initially turned the right direction only to turn around because Google maps was directing me a different way. Maggie, my wife, called me from her car to tell me she noticed an obscure sign directing us along the original route I sought. I snapped at her! She snapped back! (This is our way when we get lost while traveling. It is good to know we can argue when in two cars as well as we can when in the same car.)

Eventually, we decided to drive south in the direction the one sign pointed. We drove and drove. The paved road turned to gravel and we drove. I recall saying via cell phone, "I'm willing to go a little further but not much farther." Then a funny thing happened. I just kinda got into a rhythm of driving, of trusting that at the moment that we needed a sign, it would be there.

So, we drove. In two cars with West Virginia plates we drove on straight gravel roads into the fields of Kansas maize. We continued driving as our cell reception came and went. We continued driving as hawks perched on telephone poles waiting for easy prey. We continued driving as friendly Kansas farmers waved at us as they passed us in pickup trucks heading the other direction. We drove for eleven miles further and further from gas stations as my gas gauge dipped below a quarter of a tank. And, I said to Maggie during a moment when we had cell signal that, "THIS, better be worth it!"

Finally, a sign appeared and we turned and drove another four miles and found rocks in the middle of cornfields. For good, measure I said to Maggie one more time, "THIS better be worth it!"

Then we approached the rocks in a cornfield. I stopped. Maggie stopped. Two cars with West Virginia plates. Two travelers seeking something spectacular. Two slightly irritable and expectant souls. I opened my car door and stood up.

Silence enveloped me and wrapped its loving arms around me.

The rocks were fascinating but it was the silence that I needed. Even though I thought I had been in pursuit of rock formations beyond the cornfields, beyond the hawks waiting for prey, beyond reliable cell towers, and beyond waving farmers in pickup trucks, it was the silence that let me find it.

When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all of your heart I will let you find me, says the Lord. --Jeremiah 29: 13-14a NRSV

Location:Main St,Louisville,United States

Journey to a New Home Day 2: Billboard Theology

2011-08-30T19:45:00.000-07:00

If you've ever driven along an interstate highway in the Midwest, it will not surprise you that Avoiding Hell billboards are only rivaled by Pro-Life billboards in abundance. Having driven over 1000 miles in the last two days across Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Missouri, and much of Kansas I feel a little beat up by this singular theology.

Hell Avoidance Theology makes self-preservation the only focus of what it means to be Christian. This turns Christianity into a selfish religion. This focus also has a cruel and needy god who must be served lest one be punished for eternity. I wonder if this is how the people behind these billboards really think about God? It is certainly the implication of their messaging. Sadly, this selfish religion is left with only fear mongering as a way to bring folks into the fold.

This is not the God I experience. The God I experience is abundantly loving. The Christian scriptures taken as a whole, describe God as extravagantly and unconditionally loving. The arc of the biblical narrative, particularly the Hebrew Bible (Old Testament) describes a god who despite frustrations with God's people forgives and loves.

Each time the Israelites disappoint by failing to live as instructed, God ultimately forgives them and helps them to try again. God expresses frustration with people who can't seem to get it right for more than short periods of time before backsliding. God is tempted more than once to destroy them but God's abundant love prevails and the unworthy are forgiven. When God's love ultimately manifests in the salvific narrative of Jesus, we end up with an even bigger example of God's extravagantly loving nature. Hell Avoidance Theology as presented in the billboards in the Midwest neglects the arc of the biblical narrative and focuses on a limited number of passages of the canon.

We must all guard against the idolatry of only focusing on the aspects of God's nature that appeal to us. God as portrayed in the scriptures has depth and complexities. Jesus, the one who breathed in God and breathes out God's nature, most fully shows us the nature of God. He did not focus only on social justice or only on the coming Realm of God (the Kingdom). Jesus did not only focus on healing and compassion or only on his own spiritual practices. He did all these things and more. Any theology, billboard or otherwise, that focuses only on one of these aspects of Jesus paints a false portrait.

Location:Oak St,Hays,United States

Journey to a New Home Day 1: An Auspicious Journey with an Auspicious Number?

2011-08-29T16:01:00.001-07:00

Curious. Our hotel room tonight is numbered 206. Our room number at the Wheeling Super 8 on our last night in West Virginia was 206. I remember clearly because 206 was my efficiency apartment at seminary for three years. Coincidence? Perhaps, but some might say numbers can have a significance. If so, it would seem that 206 is a number associated with my spiritual path. And, if so, it is yet one more affirmation of my call and journey to Portland to start a new community of followers of Jesus.

I'm simultaneously skeptical and open-minded about this. For the time being, I'll just say, "curious" and admit I have something to reflect upon.

Location:Earth City Expy,Maryland Heights,United States

Emptying Barns at One-Year

2011-08-27T14:54:00.000-07:00

I remember it clearly. The two of us were sitting up in the bed, the bedroom of our three-bedroom house, after a
refreshing afternoon nap. My wife Maggie and I decided on that day that we were serious enough about letting go of our possessions to finally go public. So, I blogged our plans. (You can find that blog here.) Our journey has far exceeded our initial plan to let go of a mere 1000 items in one year. Today marks one-year.

A Spiritual Journey that Confounds

We've been at times fascinated, at times overwhelmed, and at times frustrated by the reactions of people when we've talked about our journey of Emptying Barns. So, let me clarify up front: this is motivated by our faith. It is not about "starting over" or saving money on moving vans. Because it is motivated by our faith the process is a spiritual journey.

The spiritual aspects of this journey are multifaceted. There are two primary spiritual aspects of note, however.

Justice & Compassion: Looking Outward
This spiritual aspect is best expressed in the question, how do my actions as a human being impact creation? This question leads me to a concern for stewardship, the care of the planet upon which we all live, and a desire to use only my share of resources. As a Christian, the Genesis creation narratives, as well as the arc of the whole Bible, inform my sense of responsibility to the ecology of our world. When the biblical text refers to dominion, the original Hebrew text implies a sense of caring for, much like good parents care for their children. My goal is to have as limited a resource-use footprint as I can manage.

But creation includes more than wheat stalks, migratory birds, polar bears, and the sea turtle. Creation includes other human beings. My actions and inactions also harm or help human beings. When I eat chocolate harvested by the forced labor of children, I contribute to their enslavement. If I accept as "just how it is," unjust economic systems than I am not acting according to my faith as fully as I should. Because of the accidental location of my birth (white, male, Anglo, American), it is probably impossible to fully avoid participating in systemic injustice but I am obligated by my faith to try.

The interconnectedness of all of creation means any action I take, or fail to take, will ripple and influence people, plants, and animals I will never see. But I can choose to be hospitable to the "least of these." I can choose to use resources wisely and share freely. I can choose to have less, so others may have more.

Looking Inward & Outward for the Divine
I can also choose to have less stuff so that I can see the divine in others. This second spiritual aspect of the Emptying Barns journey is about freedom. It is about the freedom from my possessions. Whether we admit it or not, our possessions, their acquisition and maintenance, shift our focus away from the Divine that is within and between each of us. When we use our time earning money to buy the latest gadget or to afford housing big enough to store things with which we simply cannot part, we take time away from others. We take away time which might be better spent in relationship with someone who needs us. The result is our stuff keeps us from seeing the face of God in others.

Likewise, our acquisition and maintenance of material possessions distract us from time spent in silence with God. The noise created by our things keep us from noticing the Divine. And, though, I believe God never leaves us, that God is ever challenging us toward the most loving action, the noise of possessions can mask the still, small voice. If we are to truly respond lovingly, to be who we truly are, our senses need to be tuned to hearing and discerning the luring of what I call the Holy Spirit.

An Experience of Understanding & Liberation not Sadness

One of the confusions that people have about our journey is that they think that this is a path of sadness. They mistakenly believe that our happiness is tied into our possessions. It is not. Yes, I have felt temporary sadness as I let go of some of my objects. I have discovered, however, that the sadness is not tied to the object but to a memory.

For example, letting go of my large collection of Matchbox cars caused me to burst into sudden tears. It is not the cars that I grieved. Rather, it is the joy of being with my brother for hours as we played with those cars that I grieved. We live in different cities separated by thousands of miles and rarely spend time together. I miss him but I no longer need to store a box of old toys.

A typical comment from people who we tell of our Emptying Barns experience is, "I could never do that!" Part of my own hesitancy in letting go of some of my possessions reflects a lack of trust in the extravagant, abundant love of God. I have mistakenly believed, if not in word in action, that I need my things to be secure. My security comes from relationships with the Divine in others, the Divine in myself, and what I call the Holy Spirit. As I've become more in tune to the Divine luring and nudging I've found less need to have things around me.

Giving away my possessions brings joy. Since my grandmother died twenty-three years ago we have stored quilts that she made. The handiwork is remarkable. Some of them she made with my great-grandmother. At most we have pulled them out every three years, looked at them, marveled at them, and then put them back in the box. I admit little joy from these objects until we gave them away. They are now the possession of the Woodford County (Kentucky) Historical Society and on display. I cannot adequately describe in words the joy that I feel knowing that others can see and appreciate the great love and skill my grandmother sewed into those quilts. I would never have felt this joy had I not let go of them.

A Continuing Journey

We will leave for our new home in Portland, Oregon with our goal achieved. When we leave on Monday morning we will carry with us only what fits in our two cars. While I am pleased we have gone from a three-bedroom home to a two-bedroom duplex to a studio apartment, our journey is not over. We still have far more possessions than we need.

That is why I am once again making a public commitment to continue to let go of things. I am making a commitment to embracing the Divine within and between all of us. I am committing to more fully embracing the path on which God calls me.

Characterizing the Truth

2011-08-26T06:55:00.000-07:00

I wrote a three paragraph bio yesterday. The bio was for the families of the children in Tumbleweed House where I will begin a substitute teaching job next month. Before beginning to write, I reviewed previous bios I have written. I looked at the bio I had written for the online system at my seminary, which emphasized God's call and claim on my life. I looked at the bio from my early childhood teacher training and consultant business. It emphasized the kind of person I am, the depth of my experience, and my approach to training. I looked at biographical material I created for the Commission on Ministry prior to my ordination and I looked at a short bio I wrote for the AERO Conference program. They, too, had their own emphases.

Each one of these narratives described an aspect of who I am. Each one of them also said something about the audience for whom they were intended and about the issues that concerned them. The families at the school are concerned about their child and my commitment to them. My seminary cohorts would be exploring the strange spiritual journeys which brought us all together and, so, my call to ministry was significant. The potential clients for my teacher training and consulting wanted to know why they should pay good money to listen to me.

Each one of them was significantly different and time-locked. That is, I wouldn't write exactly the same thing today. Yet, each one of them was absolutely true. I simply emphasized the things important to my audience--and to me--at the time they were written.

The Christian canon is like this as well. Each segment of the scripture must be viewed in the context in which they were written. Knowing context, helps us to understand inconsistencies in the text. There is truth in the text but the different parts may literally contradict one another. This does not prevent truth from being discerned through the text. It does mean that we must consider to whom the texts were written, when they were written, who wrote them, and why they were written. In my bio for the new job, I wrote of the connections between my spirituality and the philosophy of the school. These are real and true but they are not how I described my spirituality to my seminary cohorts two years ago. This is because 1) I was writing to different people; 2) I am a different person than I was two years ago; 3) I have a different purpose in writing; and 4) Each of the audiences use a different vocabulary.

This is precisely why a literal, inerrant reading of the biblical text is a flawed approach. A literal, inerrant reading of the biblical text gives the written words a power and meaning for which they were never intended. A literalistic reading of the scriptures turns them into gods unto themselves. It is the Divine, the One I identify as God, who inspires those who wrote and read and heard the ancient texts. My bios were inspired by the events and feelings of my life and are my interpretation (meaning applied) of those experiences. The same is true of the scriptures: they are inspired by events, feelings, and experiences of the ancient peoples with the Divine. They are the meaning applied (interpretation, theology) by the authors to their experiences.

I am not suggesting that God did not, and does not, speak through the scriptures. God meets people where God finds them. Christians have imbued the canon with authority and meaning, so God meets us there. Some find the Divine in nature, God will meet people there, too. God also speaks through the lives of others. As we learn of the faith, theology, and experiences of our foremothers and forefathers through scripture we can use that to help us make meaning of our own experiences of the Divine.

The Christian canon is a tool for our spiritual growth. It is not God. It is inspired by, though not written by God. Sadly, when we take a literalistic approach we end up worshiping the text rather than the magnificent, loving One who is so much bigger than any one of us can possibly imagine.