I Couldn't Have Picked Anyone Better!

One of amazing things about fatherhood is that my adult children have increased the size of my family. I'm not talking about grandchildren; that joy may come in its time. I'm talking about my children's significant others.


As my daughter and son have found life-partners, I've been blessed by a doubling of my children. It wasn't until Frances and, now, Breetel joined our family that I felt the depth of my father's words the first time I brought my beloved home. He said, "We couldn't have picked anyone better for you." 

My amazing children...all four of them!

My daughter and son are remarkable, phenomenal individuals.  (This is a fact not a father's pride.) Still, the love of another, somehow reveals a depth, a wholeness that I never saw in Isaac or Jessica before. Their love is more than a skin-deep affectation. Their love has added a vibrancy to who they were before.


Love is powerful in all its forms. Love transforms, makes us each more than we were. It defies the laws of physics. There is always an abundance and extravagance about love. Love reveals the Divine within us and in our relationship with others.

"...and the greatest of these is love."

1 Corinthians 13: 13b NRSV (Read this passage in context.)

Overcoming Our Expectations

This originally appeared as part of the GLAD Easter Writing Project. GLAD is the Gay, Lesbian, & Affirming Disciples Alliance within the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ).

I walked into the two-year-old room to find the new substitute monitoring a Mothers’ Day card-making project. As I took my seat to watch what was going on, Elsie finished up a card, and reached for another.

“Elsie,” said the substitute, “we’re only making cards for our moms today. You can get some of the drawing paper if you still want to draw.” Hmm, I wondered how this would play out. I doubted that Elsie would succumb to the sub’s suggestion.

“I have two moms,” announced Elsie.

“No, you don’t,” replied the teacher. Uh oh, I thought, she’s going to argue with a two-year-old. It’s never a good idea to get in a power struggle with a two-year-old. You will lose.

“Yes, I do!”

“No, Elsie, people only have one mom...” continued the substitute.

“YES,” the articulate two-year-old raised her voice. “I have my mom Sylvie an’ my mom Tonya.”

The substitute teacher looked confused and became silent. Though I didn’t always get involved while observing my teachers, I offered up information she didn’t have. I told her Elsie has two moms. She looked disturbed but immediately gave Elsie another card and muttered, “I didn’t know.”

Much of bigotry, whether it is in classes, pop culture, or our churches is the result of inaccurate expectations. In our humanity, we create images of others. These expectations of those around us serve as the template for what we consider normal. The substitute teacher who argued with the two-year-old had a template in her head for families. A family with two moms was outside that image.

When we talked about this event afterwards, the substitute teacher apologized. “I just didn’t know,” she explained. She expected that all children are raised in homes by a man and a woman, by a single mother, by grandparents, or even by a single father. Her expectations were inaccurate and limited.

We do the same thing in our churches. We expect that with the right mixture of worship experience, children’s ministry, and mission to the community we will attract families from the church of our memories. We wrongly expect not only stone buildings filled to the brim with people, we expect those people to look like a collection of television show families from the middle of the last century.

Our image of the church is filtered through memories that are not wholly accurate. We expect that we can create that which never existed. We strive to create alone what can only be co-created with God. When we prayerfully listen and follow God, we can co-create that which God continues to transform and create. However, we too often cling stubbornly to our deformed expectations of the church and one another. We perversely draw lines within humanity of who is worthy to be included and who is not quite human enough to receive God’s love.

But God doesn’t give up on us. The Holy Spirit, despite our flawed expectations, sometimes lures someone through our doors. Too often, if they don’t look like our expectations, we use the lines we’ve drawn within humanity, to collectively chase them away. This is particularly true if the people don’t meet our expectations of gender or sexual orientation.

Despite the unfolding of God’s Realm of love, in which the Imago Dei (image of God) of GLBTQAI peoples is fully accepted, we see a threat. We hide behind a misinterpretation of the scriptures because others do not fit our image of humanity. We use our Holy Book to chase people away from the church. We put a stumbling block before others to keep them away from Jesus!

Instead of seeing the love that the two-year-old experiences from her two mothers, we cling desperately to our image of where parental love can emanate. Instead of seeing the truth in our scriptures, that of an ever-widening circle of God’s extravagant love, we desperately cling to our expectations. 

Splash, Splish, Ka-SPLOSH!

Blue puddle,

   green puddle,

      brown puddle, too.

Clear puddle,

   murky puddle,

      puddle of grit or goo.

Tiny puddle,

   big puddle,

      gargantuan puddle, woo hoo!

Round, wide, narrow,

   oblong, 

      expansive rivers, 

         or mere trickles of damp,

            I like them all.

Puddles deep,

   and puddles that seep.

Puddles filled with life,

   crawling & oozing,

      like worms between my toes.

Puddles that coat my Wellies,

    as I splash, splish, Ka-SPLOSH!

Gurgling puddle,

   static puddle,

      gently growing puddle, too.

Stay awhile and I will, too.

The Evil Within Us

I detest McDonald's food. I suppose you'd expect that of a vegetarian. I do, however, stop to use the fast food restaurant's public restroom while traveling. I've noticed that the McDonald's breakfast hour tends to attract older men, presumably retired, clustered over coffee. 


Recently at a McDonald's in Portland, I overheard a comment about the Trayvon Martin killing. Following a long, somewhat winding description of the most recent news, an older white man concluded, "So we've got one man's opinion." He referred to the recent analysis by two voice experts of the 911 call which includes someone screaming.




During the earliest days of Internet research, helping my education students distinguish between information from a reputable source and information from someone with an opinion was challenging. We live in an era when everyone has the potential to air their opinion. 


Not every opinion or conclusion is equally valid. For example, because of my training and experience in child development and early childhood education, I have some authority when talking about children and human behavior. Likewise, my education and ordination into Christian ministry gives me some authority and knowledge about pastoral care of others, spirituality, and theology. My preference for an Apple computer over a Windows computer, however, is just "one man's opinion".

I wear my hoodie safely because of my pale skin.

None of us know the full details of what led to the shooting and killing of teenager Trayvon Martin. I don't know the heart of George Zimmerman nor Trayvon Martin. I do know about human behavior and relationships. While I am not a racism-expert, my web of unique experiences as well as my education convinces me that we cannot view the shooting and killing of Trayvon Martin without an awareness of race.


Racism is insidious. It is systemic in our nation. As a white man I am privy to privileges that I often don't even notice. I am not intentionally racist but I do benefit from racism. I also have unconscious racist attitudes simply because of the culture in which we live. To pretend otherwise is to increase the likelihood that I will take overtly racist actions. (I wrote about a recent encounter with my own subtle racism here.)


The overarching storyline of the Bible bends toward love. God adapts to our free choices, encouraging us to become more loving. The importance of radical hospitality to the stranger, flows through both Christian testaments. Always God desires us to become the loving human beings we were created to be. We show that love by reaching out to others. When we love, we reflect the Imago Dei (the image of God). 


Racism buried within us, closes us off from the Imago Dei. Racism is the buried hatchet with the handle sticking out in America. It is real. It is here. It is hatred and it is evil. To say so is not to dismiss the progress made, but to pretend that we are post-racial is to risk losing that progress. 


It is likely that the man who shot and killed Trayvon Martin was frightened. It is possible that his unrecognized, racist attitudes and feelings propelled him to kill a boy walking to his father's house with a bag of Skittles. This - THIS - is why it is critical that we're aware of our own subconscious racism. Until we are, we have no hope of overcoming this evil. Until we are, Trayvon Martin will not be the last victim. 

Knowing Better than God: No Pink Bowling Balls for Boys!

“You’re not gonna use the pink ball. We’re not gonna let you do that. Not on camera." --Rick Santorum to a boy reaching for a bowling ball


I was never a particularly macho kid. Yeah, my brother and I played with cars and trucks. We even played the occasional vacant lot baseball game. Despite that, I never played organized sports. I was the last picked for teams in gym class. I chose the Drama electives instead of more manly subjects. Crying was not outside of my repertoire. Coming of age when I did, it was not easy to be the sensitive boy.  


"When are you going to get a real job?" --Cindy, about my work educaring infants and toddlers 

On the floor with babies mid-80s

Spending my days nurturing and caring for infants and toddlers was not the traditional path for a man in the early 1980s. I knew it might be a lonely path when I became the first man to graduate from the early childhood degree program at Illinois State University. While blessed by a fully supportive fiance and now wife, I had also hoped - perhaps in vain - that my friends would understand. Some did. Cindy did not.


There were jobs I did not receive because of a cultural bias that any man who wanted to work with babies must be a molester. It was not easy blazing a trail. The joys and contentment I have always felt with humanity's youngest is a clear sign that this was the Divinely-led path for me. 


As a bi-vocational minister, I still spend time working with babies and young children part-time. Things have gotten better or, perhaps, I've just gotten better at finding people who see my gifts. Nonetheless there are far too few men who work with young children. Our culture still has stratified roles for women and men. 

On the floor with preschoolers, 2011

I felt anger rise within me. My eyes watered as I read of a presidential candidate discouraging a boy from using a pink bowling ball. I know how it feels to have who you are created to be dismissed by others. I am not alone in these feelings. Certainly women in traditionally men's professions have a more difficult journey than I've had as a white man.


When we force boys or girls into rigidly culturally-constructed roles based upon their sexual organs, we deny their humanity. We deny their Divinely created gifts. In effect, we idolize - treat as a god - our own socially-constructed gender roles.

Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of services, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who activates all of them in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. To one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another the discernment of spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. All these are activated by one and the same Spirit, who allots to each one individually just as the Spirit chooses. 1 Corinthians 12: 4-11 NRSV (View this passage in context.)

When we discourage girls from studying the sciences or boys from nurturing babies, we teach our children to ignore the Spirit. We tell our children to pretend to be someone they are not. We tell God that we know better. 

Keeping Covenant When the Storms Roll In

I was pissed. If I didn't feel it emotionally, my hoarseness revealed it. The children had scattered to their rooms. Even Isaac who was foolishly brave during "knock-down, drag-outs," had retreated to his bedroom. That's when it happened. I yanked the suitcase out of the closet. 

How had it reached the point that, even a small part of me, would consider breaking covenant? How could I possibly survive without my beloved? 


I looked at the suitcase in my hand and slumped down to the floor; all energy draining from my body. I became uncharacteristically silent. 


It was in that moment that I was finally able to hear the loving pleading of my wife. "You need help." Yes, she was right. Yes, I would call first thing Monday morning.


***


Nearly thirty-three years ago, my wife and I publicly entered into covenant with one another. With the covenant revealed in the Hebrew scriptures (Old Testament) between God and the Israelites informing us about how to live in relationship, we were married. We covenanted with one another, and with God. (See "The Core Secret of Our Marriage for more about covenant.) 


The dripping humid day when we committed our lives to one another was only the beginning. Maintaining a relationship takes emotional energy and regular time spent focused on one another. Human beings are constantly evolving and changing. We have ups and downs. There are times when we're not so much fun to be around.


The challenge for two people in a covenantal relationship is to choreograph growth and change. Finding ways to dance through the stormy weather is perhaps the most intricate choreography. The steps are not always obvious.  Uncomfortable emotions tempt us to leave the stage entirely.

This is the second in a series about living in
covenant with another person.

Living in Covenant Series
The Core Secret of Our Marriage
Keeping Covenant When the Storms Roll In

That morning when I pulled the suitcase out of the closet was not our finest hour.   We'd bought an old 1850s house (think Tom Hanks' Money Pit) in upstate New York. Both children were still living at home. I was working multiple jobs. We were both working too much. Our lifestyle was not sustainable. I know I was not fit to live with during those years. 


I was also unable to see that I was making poor choices. 


***

An unwavering commitment to one another--even during times when we've felt distant from one another--is indeed central to our long marriage. Our success is more than that, however. We truly like each other. We allow--no, we embrace--one another's evolving growth and change. We truly want the other to be who they are called by God to be. 


We revel in one another's joys and always have one another's back. Yet, when one of us is not living into who we're called to be as a unique human being, we speak forthrightly. That is, we call one another out.


During those years, my wife could see clearly that I was making poor choices. She knew I was working too hard and that I was physically exhausted. I couldn't see it and would hear none of her pleadings.


Living in a covenantal relationship requires sticking it out when things are not going well. It doesn't mean you don't feel angry with one another. It doesn't mean you don't have good reason to dislike the other person. Likewise, part of a loving covenant - which includes God - is that we must each take care of ourselves. (There are times when leaving the relationship is the most appropriate thing to do. I will write about abusive relationships in a future blog.)


I was not taking care of myself during those times. The result was that I was taking it out on myself and those I loved the most. I am quite certain that my wife was irritated with me. I am quite certain that she was angry and worried about me.


In Judges 10, God is so frustrated with the Israelites poor behavior, with their breaking of covenant, that he laments, “Go and cry to the gods whom you have chosen; let them deliver you in the time of your distress” (Judges 10:14 NRSV).  God was tempted to break covenant with God's people. Who could blame God? The people had left and worshiped other gods until they were under attack by the Ammonites. Then they came running back begging for God's help.


Ultimately, however, God honors covenant. Because God “could no longer bear to see Israel suffer” (Judges 10: 16b NRSV), God responds compassionately. I imagine this was not unlike my wife's experience. She had every rational reason to break relationship. Who could blame her? But in the end, her compassion and her commitment, reigned supreme.  

During that difficult time, my wife offered up the truth about me, sometimes with a little sugar and sometimes with a little vinegar. But still I could not hear her. Still, she hung in there with me. My wife saw the imago dei (image of God) through my armor of hurt, fatigue, and nastiness. Her patience and compassion and her commitment - our covenant - waited for a time when I could hear her pleading.


***


I looked at the suitcase in my hand and slumped down to the floor; all energy draining from my body. I became uncharacteristically silent. 


And I sobbed. Her arms around me, I felt God's presence in our covenant. Then, I could hear God in the voice of my wife. "You need help. You can't keep this up. I love you."


***


God of Covenants,


Thank you for the extravagant love,
   that puts up with us no matter what.


Thank you for the love that forgives,
   even when we've ignored gentle pleadings,
      and angry pleadings.


Help us to include you,
   to accept your presence,
      to hear your voice in our relationships.


Help us to see the imago dei,
   in ourselves,
      and in one another,
          that we might be more loving.


In the name of the love which flows,
   within and throughout creation.


Amen.

I Like Sex, Birth Control, & Kids

The air conditioning broken, the windows of our townhouse were open, fans were blowing, and I was stripped down to my blue running shorts. I lay on the floor nearly comatose from the humid midwestern heat, smiling as I looked at my baby son. He smiled, I smiled. I talked, he cooed. 

The oppressive heat that kept me from moving, didn't thwart the deep joy I felt as I stared into the eyes of my 2-month-old son. There is nothing - NOTHING - as wonderful as fatherhood. 

Despite the joys of daddy-ing, a few weeks later I visited the Planned Parenthood office near our home. I made arrangements for, and several weeks afterward had, a vasectomy. I did this because I like sex. I did this because my wife and I chose not to have more children. Oh, yeah, I am and was Christian. Since that time we have both responded to Calls to the ministry.

To summarize, 

• Fatherhood and children are amazing.
• I like having sex.
• I practiced birth control so we could have sex and no more children.
• I am an ordained minister, as is my wife.

Good people disagree with one another. Equally moral people arrive at different conclusions about what is right and what is wrong. Though we all seek to follow Jesus, Christians are not a monolithic group. Despite the impression given by some, there are many different understandings of what following Jesus means.


My theology and understanding of the science of reproduction, lead me to conclude that contraception is consistent with the faith. In many cases, such as my own, I believe it to be the most moral decision. I understand and respect the Catholic theology that is unsupportive of many forms of contraception. There is a strong faith that undergirds the official position. I simply do not agree.


Americans are free to hold personal beliefs about the morality of contraception based upon their religious (or nonreligious) worldview. As designed, American government must cast a wider range of what is morally acceptable than any particular belief system or religion.  This is the nature of a pluralistic, open society. 


This is the nature of a people who built respect of differing views into their constitution. Freedom of expression and religious practice are an essential part of what it means to be American. 


Many do not come to the same conclusions about birth control as I do. They are free to persuasively argue for their position. They are not free, however, to impose their religious teachings upon the whole. To do so has a name. That name is theocracy.

Our Urge to De-merge

I sat on the couch performing surgery on myself. My notebook warmed my lap as I severed myself into two parts. This was no clean in & out surgery. I cut a connecting artery here, I transplanted an organ from this side to that, and I did elaborate zig-zag stitching worthy of a master seamstress.

A bi-vocational minister, I was performing surgery on my three-decade long resume into two versions: the early childhood version and the ministry version. I struggled to decide what parts went where. My academic advising of students went beyond classes as I listened and counseled about life issues. I always considered that part of my life a ministry. Too bad it didn't really look that way on paper. 

As I cut and stitched my resume, I found myself connecting one life experience to another only to cut them apart a few minutes later. I kept changing my mind. It wasn't that I was indecisive... it's just that  I wanted the documents to fully represent who I am. In the end, I gave up and reassembled the two resumes into one. If churches didn't value my secular work or if secular institutions didn't value my ministry, well, I reasoned, they didn't value who I am.

 Some rights reserved by
 NASA Goddard Photo and Video

Blame the Greeks or blame the Gnostics, either way our culture suffers from deeply ingrained dualistic thinking. This manifests in severing ourselves from one another as well as cutting ourselves apart. The concept of wholeness is somehow an alternative,  an "on the fringes" way of thinking. 


In politics, where we seem to have lost respect for any opinion but our own, this dualism of polarization needs no explanation to any but the most ardent hermit. The concept of communal problem solving is a decaying corpse. We've abandoned any semblance of civil discourse or seeing the value in other ideas.

In our sociocultural discourse we mirror the judgementalism of politics. If you don't do things the way I do then you must be flawed. At the very least your silly ways are worthy of my laughter, ridicule, name calling, or sarcasm. 


As North Americans, we pretend that we don't need one another. Having bought into the myth of the white pioneer rugged individualist, who did it by himself, we de-merge from others. It doesn't matter that white pioneers journeyed across the continent in groups, relying on the help of one another. We tell ourselves we can go it alone. 


In contemporary times this manifests in lonely parenting, in stubborn self-reliance, and in self-hatred when we cannot do it all on our own. The Super-Mom myth that emerged in the last century is an example of this. Women were told that they could give 100% to a career and 100% to the home--without help from anyone else. Unable to achieve 200% by oneself, too many parents feel guilty.


As an instructor of future teachers, one of the core concepts I sought to teach students was that of the whole child. This is the idea that all aspects of the child, physical, social-emotional, and cognitive, are inextricably linked. I had to teach this alternative idea because we have artificially severed the academic from the physical and social-emotional. While there is a strong movement supporting wholeness, both within and outside the educational establishments, they are fighting an uphill battle against a deeply ingrained dualism.


Religion itself too often ups the ante. In religious dualism we're dragged beyond the one life we all know we have, into the next. Many Christian sects, for example, set up the dualism of insiders who are saved and rewarded versus outsiders, everyone else, who is unsaved (lost?) and will surely burn in a fiery hell. We convince ourselves that only right-thinking people are worthy of the extravagant love of the God.

The dualism in some Christian circles, spurred by a tradition that misinterprets scripture has deemed the physical as evil or unworthy and the spiritual as good and pure. Hence, we rarely talk about sexuality except to condemn it. Christian doctrine, historically decided by men, is especially critical of women's bodies and sexuality. The church's discomfort even manifests in extra biblical beliefs about the immaculate conception of Mary, the mother of Jesus. This belief reflects dualistic thinking in which the body (sexuality) is bad and the spiritual is good. 

Is it any wonder that we even split ourselves apart? All of this dualistic, either/or thinking, leads to perceiving ourselves as less than whole. Our culture, politics, and religious life have resulted in an urge to de-merge. To reject our physicality or other aspects of our God-created nature, is to reject not only ourselves but the One who created us.

God of Wholeness,


You who created us to depend upon one another,
    You who created us each with Gifts needed by others,
        We ask that you help us to recognize,
           our need for one another.


You who created us each as tapestries of wholeness, 
    as images of your divinity,
        We ask that you help us to see the You,
            in us and in one another.


You whose love knows no boundaries,
    whose loving wholeness encapsulates all of creation,
         We offer gratitude for the faith you have in us.


Divine wholeness, 
     may we strive for faithfulness to You.
Gently encourage us to give up,
     our arrogant individualism,
     and our self-hatred that manifests,
         in rejecting parts of ourselves.


For it is the One-ness of You,
     in the acceptance of ourselves,
     and the embracing of one another,
     that we will find You.


In the many names humanity has used for you,
    we pray for wholeness.


Amen.
     

The Gift of Just Being There

I lay on the rug beside the 3-year-old boy as he told me of an upset. He and his dad apparently had a conflict before school that day. The boy told me about his feelings. I brushed back his long blonde hair to see his wet eyes while he talked. When he was done with his story, he got up, and ran to play with friends.

Once a child's emotional needs are met, they are free to risk and explore, to be independent. As a former college instructor and administrator in early childhood education, I sought to teach this concept to students and staff. When one of my staff members or students was faced with a particularly whiny, clingy, or needy child, it could be difficult to convince them of this truth. Children's (and adult's) emotions are too often viewed as problems to be solved. What children need, however, is to feel their emotion, to be heard and to be seen by someone who is truly present. It is only after children are heard that they can move forward. The same is true for adults.


"How are you today?", asked the grocery clerk. 


"I'm fine, thank you, how about you?" I asked.


Though she said she was well, I was not convinced and said so. She proceeded to tell me about her grandfather who was having surgery as we spoke. She told me how she hugged him at the hospital as he was wheeled away. The surgery would take much of the day and the prognosis was good. Clearly, though, she was preoccupied. I just listened. I reflected things like, "it's hard to focus on work when you know what's going on" and "even though the prognosis is good, you're worried." To both of these statements she nodded her head and told me more about her feelings. And about her grandfather. 


I saw her again a few weeks later. She remembered me, thanked me for listening to her, and told me that "having an ear" helped her make it through that day. I was humbled by her appreciation; all I did was listen.


We need one another. We need the loving, accepting presence of others who listen, who see us, but do not try to solve our problems for us. We need someone who acts as a physical manifestation of the Divine presence for us. 


Divine One of Presence:


Your love for all is steadfast.
    Your presence allows us,
        to use the Gifts you have given us.


Help us to open ourselves to your presence,
    that we can more fully be who you created us to be,
    that we can respond lovingly to all we encounter.


May we feel your loving presence from others,
    in the loyalty of a beloved pet,
    in the unexpected beauty of a sunrise,
    in the friend who is "but a phone call away,"
    and in the stranger who smiles.


May we see and feel you,
    in our times of struggle.
May we be your loving presence,
    for others in their difficulties.


As we seek to be your healing presence among all people,
    we remember the human infant born in a stable.
We remember the One who breathed in your love,
    and manifest your loving, 
        Divine presence among our ancient kindred.


Amen

It's So Easy to Fall Back into Routines

I am about to do a new thing;

   now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?

I will make a way in the wilderness

   and rivers in the desert. 

Isaiah 43:19 NRSV

A teacher describes moving the location of a favorite activity in her classroom. The toddlers in her care kept moving the activity back to its original location. Finally, she gave in to their persistence.


The light switch in the dining room of a house never seems to be in the right place because the switch in the man's growing up home was on the other wall.


After months and years of working hard to eat healthy foods of reasonable quantities, a woman goes on vacation and returns overeating in her daily routine.


It's so easy to fall back into routines.


Fresh out of college, my wife followed me to Cape Girardeau, Missouri. I lost that job less than two-years later. Since that time I have followed Maggie around the country as her profession and vocation called her. I am blessed by lifetime friends in places as divergent as New York and West Virginia. I have gotten into the habit of following Maggie, my wife.


After spending three years in seminary, commuting 650 miles each week or being separated from Maggie for weeks at a time, I heard a powerful call to do a new thing in Portland. As I followed the Holy Spirit's luring Maggie followed me. This has been a new experience for me; to be the one moving this ship of marriage forward.


To make this transition Maggie took a position that paid minimally but in the direction she discerns a call. This work of hers, helped us get to Portland. In order to pay the bills, I began working in my previous profession: early childhood education. The hours increased and my focus fell away from my purpose in being here.


It's so easy to fall back into routines.


Maggie recently accepted a position that pays a living wage. This new position will enable me to back off on the number of hours I am working to keep our financial ship in afloat. Still, I hesitate. As I explained to Maggie last night, "The problem is these are not theoretical children. These are children whom I love. Leaving them is hard even though I know it is where I'm being called."

I have spent three decades of my life deeply committed to children and families in very concrete ways. But God has issued a new claim, a new direction for my life. It is a call that excites me but it is so easy to do what I've always done. 

Creating God,

Weep with me as I continue to let go,

  not just of the things,

  but of ideas, people, & self-image.

Strengthen me with the will to do the new thing.

  Give me the wisdom to see the ways the old undergird the new.

Nourish me with the drive to co-create with you in this place.

  Give me the dexterity on my feet to respond to a changing world.

For you are the love which this world craves in this time.

Amen. 

Children, Occupy, & the Church

Children

My 50-something body aches and has sharp pains from spending more than 8-hours a day with two-year-olds. (I could list the aches in order of their annoyance value but then I'd sound like a crochety old man.) My body also aches because I didn't get enough rest over the weekend, spending time at Occupy Portland when I "should" have been resting.

But it is my heart that aches the most. My heart aches because of the emotional energy it takes to meet the needs of children whose families are undervalued. Children need my presence and compassion. I give what I can but I can only do so much. We have a systemic problem.


Because children in our country are themselves undervalued, the societal priority is not on children's needs but on keeping costs low. Parents can't afford to pay the true cost of quality child care, they can't afford to stay home, and so we end up with programs that hire under-qualified and under-resourced adults struggling to support their own families. 


Occupy

The Occupy movement is about reforming the economic injustice that harms the children with whom I'm spending my days. It is about overturning the plutocracy that harms the vast majority of Americans (and people around the world). This is what the movement is referring to when we talk about the 99% and the 1%. The 1% represents the plutocracy, the wealthy who rule, and the 99% represents the rest of us who are struggling in various ways to get by financially.

I am tired because the disregard for the U.S. Constitution, for civility, and for citizen redress of grievances is discouraging. Heck, it's deeply troubling and it should disturb anyone who believes in our nation's professed values whether one agrees with the particular views of the movement. 


The coordinated assault on Occupy camps across the country is an indication that plutocrats and governments (politicians) are perceiving a threat. My heart aches because it is not just the protesters but our children who are being violently abused by an unjust economic system that favors those at the top. Why else would our Congress be seriously turning back school lunch nutrition guidelines because, "the federal government shouldn't tell children what to eat"? (Huffington Post, Congresses Pushes Back on Healthier School Lunches) 


The Church


Amos prophesied in the mid-eighth century. It was a time of security and prosperity--for some classes of people. A thriving commerce and trade created a context in which “an affluent society composed of a small, wealthy upper class [whose] vast accumulation led to a luxurious life style.” (2)


The prophet chastises the people for their hypocrisy. Worship had become about them.  “The essence of Godʼs demand [in Amos]” is not on sacrifices, tithes, and offerings but in the “moral and ethical spheres of life.” (3)


So, it is today. Many churches busily talk about changing worship, making it more upbeat and relevant. That'll bring folks back, they say. But the church has lost its way if it focuses on worship at the expense of justice. Amos was not opposed to worship itself but contended that by using worship as the litmus for being right with God, it was impossible to be right with God. Worship is celebrated to alleviate the worshipers feelings, to meet their needs to feel pious. (4) 


So, where is the church in this time of economic injustice, in this time of plutocratic abuses worldwide? In fairness, some of us are involved in justice but all of us need to be involved in God's justice and compassion or our worship is hollow.


In the eighth century Amos called the people of the northern kingdom out for their elaborate worship while they ignored the great issues that were important to God. The church today, sitting in aging buildings or in new state-of-the-art facilities, seems to deserve some of Amos' mocking sarcasm and threatened action:


Hear this word, you cows of Bashan
   who are on Mount Samaria,
who oppress the poor, who crush the needy,
   who say to their husbands, ‘Bring something to drink!’ 


Therefore, thus I will do to you, O Israel;
   because I will do this to you,
   prepare to meet your God, O Israel! 


--Amos 4:1, 12 NRSV (Click here to read these verses in context.) 


God of All,


Show us our failings,
as we worship without acting on your behalf.


Move us to get out of the pews,
that we might fight for justice for the oppressed.


Move us to give up our comforts,
that all might have what they need.


Envigorate us with your love,
that we might be your loving arms and hands of justice in the world for all.


Amen




Footnotes


(1) Marvin A. Sweeney, The Twelve Prophets (Collegeville, MN: Liturgical Press, 2000), 191-192.


(2) Shalom M. Paul, Amos: A Commentary On the Book of Amos, ed. Frank Moore Cross (Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 1991), 2.


(3) Shalom M. Paul, 139.



(4) Jörg Jeremias, The Book of Amos: A Commentary (Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 1998), 139.

Hearing the Spirit; Making a Choice

My lack of presence at Occupy Portland today should not be seen as a change of heart. I fully support this global movement for economic justice. Rather, my absence reflects my recognition that we each have a role to play. In co-creating a better world I am called to be with a particular group of 2-year-olds over the next several weeks. These children need consistency of adult presence; they need the gifts I have to offer. For me to be who I must be for them this week, I chose to give myself a sabbath today.


I feel a bit guilty for my lack of presence today in downtown Portland. That is undoubtedly why I feel compelled to publicly explain myself. Yet, in the words of my most trusted advisor, "As important as the work of the Occupy movement is, those children need all of you this week." 


God of Spiritual Gifts,


Thank you for the gifts you provide. Give me the wisdom to use them wisely in the furtherance of loving justice. Help me each moment to discern where my gifts are most needed, trusting that you will lure others to fill the gaps I yearn to fill but do not.


Amen.

Failing Our Children: Underfunded Child Care & Poor Faith Formation

The biggest problem I had was at their vulnerable moments. When the child was tired and unable to cope was one of these moments. When I was threatening the child's will, even if the child's will was to harm another, was another one of those moments. Yesterday was my first of many days with a particular group of two-year-old children over the next several weeks. 

This particular group of children have been victimized by a system of child care in this country that underpays staff, that de-values the individual child's need for creativity, and that limits resources to programs that serve the children born to the "least of these." The result is children who are suspicious of the revolving door of underpaid adults who come through their classroom. Is it any wonder that I did not get their immediate trust? Is it any wonder that at a mere two years, I saw defense mechanisms galore among this small group of children?

Young children learn about the trustworthiness of God and the world we live in from the primary adults in their lives. This typically includes parents but also includes teachers, educarers, and extended family members. Because of the many hours that children spend in child care programs, teachers and educarers have an influence only secondary to parents. 

Erik Erikson described the psychosocial challenge of the under-two as Trust vs. Mistrust. In relationships with parents, teachers, educarers, family members, or other important adults “babies form trust and loyalties or they come to mistrust their world and withdraw. When [children] feel loved and enjoyed, they come to trust themselves as worthy of being loved. This basic trust is the embryo of faith, which can come to maturity in a relationship with God.’’ (1) 

As the baby begins to walk and becomes an active toddler, the child begins to move into Erikson’s Autonomy vs. Shame or Doubt. Children are looking for opportunities to practice independence while still needing adults to “provide judgment and consequences that keep them within . . . protective boundaries.  In this structure, children find security. The children in the classroom I spent my day yesterday are moving from Trust vs. Mistrust to Autonomy vs. Shame or Doubt.

In Autonomy vs. Shame or Doubt, when children experience shame for what they have done, they need release. . . . Since young children see God as the ultimate parent, they expect God to set limits and to punish those who violate those limits. It is important for them to know that God also forgives [them].” (2)

Sadly, the children I am spending time with over the next several weeks have learned from the revolving door of underpaid teachers that adults are not very trustworthy. They come and they go. The children and adults do not have relationships. Without reliable relationships with adults, the prototypical relationship that will provide a model for relationship with God, is one of mistrust, unreliability, inconsistent expectations, and a lack of love. As too many of our children spend their days in financially undersupported child care settings, is it any wonder that we are also seeing more adults who do not have relationships with the Divine?

The good news for the children in this classroom, is that the head teacher, though new, is committed to staying for the long haul. She is skilled and genuinely cares about the children while providing appropriate behavioral boundaries. The leadership of the program is seeking an assistant teacher with the same qualities. 

In the meantime, I will provide as many hours as I'm able substituting in this room, supporting the loving, healing, and consistent educare that the head teacher is providing.

Tim is a veteran early childhood educator and ordained Christian minister.

Footnotes

(1) Catherine Stonehouse, Joining Children on the Spiritual Journey (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 1998), Kindle Book edition, locator #1733-37.

(2) Stonehouse, locator #1833-36.